Coming Soon 👀 At the beginning of April, you’ll be
introduced to a brand-new GoComics! See more information here. Subscribers, check your
email for more details.
That would sort of transpose the old saying about addiction to: First the woman drank coffee … Then the coffee drank coffee … Then the coffee drank the woman.
There was a time in my life that I drank an excessive amount of coffee. A doctor friend suggested that this might cause heart arrhythmias so, we devised an experiment. I abstained from caffeine for 24 hours and dragged my barely conscious body into the hospital.
They hooked me up to an EKG and took my vital signs: they were similar to a bromating reptile until I had two cups of coffee when they settled down to BP 120/80, Pulse 72 and normal EKG where they remained for the next 10 cups of coffee.
My doctor friend conceded defeat. He stated that for ME, coffee does not cause heart arrhythmias and then gave a second opinion based on the number of times I urinated: I’d probably never get a bladder infection.
Coffee Leads To A Community Call Leads To Crazy Coincidence!
There is a “Coffee News” paper that is available at some local restaurants. It has fun facts, jokes, sudoku, “find the difference”, horoscopes, and local ads. I always grab one when I’m at a place that has them because they’re fun. I read the jokes and fun facts, play the games, and nothing else. Except this one time, when I decided to read the community ads. There was an ad for an online support group for people with autism.
So, I joined the group, and I had a fun time.
A few months later, I was at my mom’s on the day the group Zoom chat was held. I logged in, and someone said, “Oh, [Mom], would you like to introduce yourself?”
I waited for a bit for someone with the same name as my mom to introduce themself, until I realized that they were talking to me! I was showing up under her name because I was using her computer and hadn’t logged into my own account before joining the call. I explained that her name wasn’t my name, I was just using my mom’s computer, and somebody else spoke up.
User: “So, your mom is [Mom]?”
Me: “Yeah.”
User: “And she plays the tin whistle?”
Me: “Yeah.”
User: “And she lives in [Town]?”
Me: “Yeah.”
User: “I stayed with her one time for a music festival! Tell her [User] from [State] says hi! Here’s my email!”
Afterward, I walked out, told my mom what had happened, handed her the paper I’d written the email on, and told her that the person she’d hosted over a decade ago said hi.
A customer comes up to the register with his own travel mug in hand.
Customer: While handing me his mug. “Black coffee.”
I notice some dark liquid in the bottom of the mug and move to throw it out, thinking it’s some old coffee.
Customer: “Hey! Don’t throw that out, that’s my whiskey!”
I proceed to pull fresh coffee on top and hand it back to him.
Other Customer: “Come on, man! It’s 9 AM on a Tuesday.”
Customer: “Which means it’s 5 PM in Ireland. Shut your face.”
Other Customer: “F****** drunk.”
Customer: “First, it’s cute you think a dram is enough to make me drunk. Secondly, I work nights and this is the end of my day. Third, f*** off.”
Other Customer: To me. “Are you going to let him talk to me like that?”
Customer: “Go crying to the sixteen-year-old who made my coffee to fight your battle for you? You just destroyed any chance of making me care about your opinion of me.”
Other Customer: “F*** you!”
Customer: “Not even if I actually was drunk!” Leaves.
I had to suppress my smile when serving the other customer in case it set him off again.
This Story Really Creams Our Coffee (And Warms Our Hearts!)
Yesterday, my mom was talking to her caregiver, who does chores for her and runs errands.
Mom: “How much would a thing of liquid coffee creamer be? We have a buck forty and no creamer.”
Caregiver: “It’s a little over two dollars.”
Me: “Oh. well, no big deal. We can get some on Thursday.”
Toward the end of [Caregiver]’s shift, she got up and said:
Caregiver: “I have to go get some papers for you to sign. I’ll be right back.”
She showed up twenty or thirty minutes later, holding a thirty-two-ounce container of French vanilla coffee creamer. She’d spent that time going from store to store, trying to find creamer for my mom. She didn’t even want to be paid back, but we insisted.
We’re buying her a sixty-four-ounce thing of coffee creamer (since she likes it, too) on Thursday because none of what she did was necessary or even asked for, but we are grateful for it.
I work in a national coffee chain, but I’ve been asked to help out at the branch at the convention center as it’s Comicon weekend and they are packed. I’m preparing drinks when another Barista calls out a finished order:
Barista: “Okay, I got a Venti non-fat, sugar-free vanilla, caramel macchiato for Lwaxana Troi, Daughter of the Fifth House, Holder of the Sacred Chalice of Riix, Heir to the Holy Rings of Betazed!”
I catch eyes with the barista; I guess I must have looked puzzled.
Barista: “It’s Comicon, baby!”
I see a woman walk up and get the drink, wearing a long flowy robe that seems to mesh sci-fi with fantasy. Turns out it was my boss!
jwsandl about 10 hours ago
No not when your holding the pot.
blunebottle about 10 hours ago
Wow! That makes sense!
jmworacle about 10 hours ago
Hey! I like that!
sbenton7684 about 9 hours ago
Works for me both ways…
PraiseofFolly about 8 hours ago
That would sort of transpose the old saying about addiction to: First the woman drank coffee … Then the coffee drank coffee … Then the coffee drank the woman.
Doug K about 7 hours ago
What would coffee do without you?
Macushlalondra about 6 hours ago
I don’t really care as long as I get my COFFEE!
dflak about 3 hours ago
There was a time in my life that I drank so much coffee, that if I stopped, the economies of Columbia and Brazil would collapse.
dflak about 3 hours ago
There was a time in my life that I drank an excessive amount of coffee. A doctor friend suggested that this might cause heart arrhythmias so, we devised an experiment. I abstained from caffeine for 24 hours and dragged my barely conscious body into the hospital.
They hooked me up to an EKG and took my vital signs: they were similar to a bromating reptile until I had two cups of coffee when they settled down to BP 120/80, Pulse 72 and normal EKG where they remained for the next 10 cups of coffee.
My doctor friend conceded defeat. He stated that for ME, coffee does not cause heart arrhythmias and then gave a second opinion based on the number of times I urinated: I’d probably never get a bladder infection.
Yakety Sax about 3 hours ago
Coffee Leads To A Community Call Leads To Crazy Coincidence!
There is a “Coffee News” paper that is available at some local restaurants. It has fun facts, jokes, sudoku, “find the difference”, horoscopes, and local ads. I always grab one when I’m at a place that has them because they’re fun. I read the jokes and fun facts, play the games, and nothing else. Except this one time, when I decided to read the community ads. There was an ad for an online support group for people with autism.
So, I joined the group, and I had a fun time.
A few months later, I was at my mom’s on the day the group Zoom chat was held. I logged in, and someone said, “Oh, [Mom], would you like to introduce yourself?”
I waited for a bit for someone with the same name as my mom to introduce themself, until I realized that they were talking to me! I was showing up under her name because I was using her computer and hadn’t logged into my own account before joining the call. I explained that her name wasn’t my name, I was just using my mom’s computer, and somebody else spoke up.
User: “So, your mom is [Mom]?”
Me: “Yeah.”
User: “And she plays the tin whistle?”
Me: “Yeah.”
User: “And she lives in [Town]?”
Me: “Yeah.”
User: “I stayed with her one time for a music festival! Tell her [User] from [State] says hi! Here’s my email!”
Afterward, I walked out, told my mom what had happened, handed her the paper I’d written the email on, and told her that the person she’d hosted over a decade ago said hi.
Small world!
Yakety Sax about 3 hours ago
Irish Coffee Is Irish Everywhere
A customer comes up to the register with his own travel mug in hand.
Customer: While handing me his mug. “Black coffee.”
I notice some dark liquid in the bottom of the mug and move to throw it out, thinking it’s some old coffee.
Customer: “Hey! Don’t throw that out, that’s my whiskey!”
I proceed to pull fresh coffee on top and hand it back to him.
Other Customer: “Come on, man! It’s 9 AM on a Tuesday.”
Customer: “Which means it’s 5 PM in Ireland. Shut your face.”
Other Customer: “F****** drunk.”
Customer: “First, it’s cute you think a dram is enough to make me drunk. Secondly, I work nights and this is the end of my day. Third, f*** off.”
Other Customer: To me. “Are you going to let him talk to me like that?”
Customer: “Go crying to the sixteen-year-old who made my coffee to fight your battle for you? You just destroyed any chance of making me care about your opinion of me.”
Other Customer: “F*** you!”
Customer: “Not even if I actually was drunk!” Leaves.
I had to suppress my smile when serving the other customer in case it set him off again.
Yakety Sax about 3 hours ago
This Story Really Creams Our Coffee (And Warms Our Hearts!)
Yesterday, my mom was talking to her caregiver, who does chores for her and runs errands.
Mom: “How much would a thing of liquid coffee creamer be? We have a buck forty and no creamer.”
Caregiver: “It’s a little over two dollars.”
Me: “Oh. well, no big deal. We can get some on Thursday.”
Toward the end of [Caregiver]’s shift, she got up and said:
Caregiver: “I have to go get some papers for you to sign. I’ll be right back.”
She showed up twenty or thirty minutes later, holding a thirty-two-ounce container of French vanilla coffee creamer. She’d spent that time going from store to store, trying to find creamer for my mom. She didn’t even want to be paid back, but we insisted.
We’re buying her a sixty-four-ounce thing of coffee creamer (since she likes it, too) on Thursday because none of what she did was necessary or even asked for, but we are grateful for it.
Yakety Sax about 3 hours ago
Coffee Can Stave Off The Zanthi Fever
I work in a national coffee chain, but I’ve been asked to help out at the branch at the convention center as it’s Comicon weekend and they are packed. I’m preparing drinks when another Barista calls out a finished order:
Barista: “Okay, I got a Venti non-fat, sugar-free vanilla, caramel macchiato for Lwaxana Troi, Daughter of the Fifth House, Holder of the Sacred Chalice of Riix, Heir to the Holy Rings of Betazed!”
I catch eyes with the barista; I guess I must have looked puzzled.
Barista: “It’s Comicon, baby!”
I see a woman walk up and get the drink, wearing a long flowy robe that seems to mesh sci-fi with fantasy. Turns out it was my boss!
ladykat Premium Member about 3 hours ago
I don’t think so, Aunty!
rockyridge1977 about 2 hours ago
When did coffee get a brain??
cuzinron47 13 minutes ago
I would consider it a treatment for your other addiction.