C'est la Vie by Jennifer Babcock for April 26, 2010

Great Lucas, you´re starting to be a good match for Monna

And I can see why…..

Lucas, the Creepy Reading Rodent! Well, that’s life on PBS!

DRATS! Poor Lucas.

Start a Barney boycott.

for the last time: RABBITS ARE NOT RODENTS

Certainly not. Rodents creep me out. So does Lucas, even without the big rat suit.

Having said that, I must admit I think the long eyelashes are kind of sexy.

a rat suit with bunny hears???

Count me as one of them

Tantor’s right - they’re lagomorphs. Rabbits have two sets of incisors; rodents have only one.

The loose ends are beginning to be tied up.

So. it has begun. What has begun? I don’t know.

Rabbits aren’t rodents, but “Learning Lagomorph” would surely have attracted even fewer viewers.

Disgruntled by his setback, Lucas attempts to make common cause with the mice (“Overboard”) and the squirrels (everything else on the comics page) in furtherance of the Rodent Revolution, but they won’t have him since not only does he seem to be a human infiltrator, rabbits aren’t rodents to begin with (“Lagomorphs? We don’t need no steenking lagomorphs!”).

Unhinged by universal rejection, Lucas begins to identify himself with the infamous spree-killer, fellow Quebequois Marc Lépine. Calling himself “M. Lapin” (especially appropriate, since in English “lapin” is used to describe a castrated rabbit), Lucas arms himself heavily and sets off to wreak vengeance upon the women whom he blames for ruining his life. However, the cumbersome paws of his “Reading Rodent” costume leave him unable to operate firearms, and he is in danger of being blown away by the LAPD (led by Lt. Fudd) when their attention (and lethal fire) is diverted by some other guy who shows up in a costume which resembles a black duck.

The guy in the bird suit turns out to be Ryan, who has returned to Los Angeles unannounced to debut his one-man revue, “Ne Ne, Nannette”. As Mona rains tears over Ryan’s bleeding body, he absolves Lucas of all blame for his death (on account of that’s the kind of sweet, hold-no-grudges guy he is), and with his dying words commends Mona and Lucas to one another’s care, blessing their union for eternity. Lucas and Mona look deep into each other’s eyes, and we fade out as they finally exchange a long, slow, deep, wet, kiss which lasts three days.

FIN

Your flatteries discomfort me, shytimes. You’re married.

I’m glad you’re enjoying them, shytimes, but when you first showed up I was intrigued. When I doped out that you were female, my heart SOARED. Then you mentioned you were married and all my hopes were dashed to pieces…

SOB! I just don’t know what to think…! I’m going through rather a difficult time in my life, and the emotional roller coaster ride through the emotional wringer is an emotional millstone around my neck.