Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for May 10, 2009

Transcript:

Rat, The newspaper owner Rat says, "Okay, staff, or as I like to call you - tattered remnants - I'm hearing a lot of grumbling about the cuts I've made to the paper." Rat says, "Rest assured, your grumbling is due to your grand ignorance as to my grand strategy. So, allow me to explain using this butter sculpture which I will call 'Mr. Newspaper man.'" Rat says, "You see, poor Mr. Newspaper man is sick. He is too fat. He needs to lose weight." Rat says, "So to make him healthy, I cut off an arm." Rat says, "But it did not work, so I cut off a leg and another arm. But it still did not work." Rat says, "So reluctantly, I have decided to remove most of his upper torso, which I am convinced will work, giving us a sleeker, healthier Mr. Newspaper man that is more attractive to the readers and -" Thud bounce bounce bounce Rat says, "Good news. We're sleeker than ever."