Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for June 28, 2023

It’ll help you get fatter.

ONE MASSIVE LIFE-HACK: want to avoid fitness? Get yourself confined to a wheelchair from the age of 11(eleven) by letting doctors screw up your hemophilia treatments so badly you end up with osteoarthritis so bad you have knee contractures!!!! Sure, you’ll lose ALL your chances to get laid, but, at least, you won’t have to exercise EVER again!!!!(sex counts as exercise in this case, see? Just ask dr. Alison Cameron from the tv show, house, m.d.!) Dan aka….

Better yet, set two goals, and then get enough people together to play a soccer game. That will help you get some exercise.

The gym I go to doesn’t have any fitness classes. Where do you go for fitness class and what do they do there?

It also helps if you do that in the late 1980s, (nineteen eighties) specifically 1988(nineteen eighty-eight), as the “last” day I EVER walked was December 23(twenty-third), 1987(nineteen eighty-seven), but, unfortunately, I’m no Malcolm, from Malcolm in the middle, so I don’t know what day of the week it was, sorry, but I DO KNOW I was born on Saturday, October 22(twenty-second), 1977(nineteen seventy-seven), at 11:58(eleven fifty-eight)AM, central standard time, just in time for lunch(something that REALLY annoyed my mom then and STILL does!(but, whether my sister’s or my “birth” story annoys my mom more we’ll NEVER know….))and I think, according to my mom, I asked for it then, and have continued to ask for it to this day!!!! Dan aka…

Fitness classes, as in fit for office? Something many politicians, or wannabe politicians, obviously missed.

Pig doesn’t miss exercise because he doesn’t miss exercise…

Fitness class? No no, you has to attend fatness class, Pig. The fatter you is the better you is for we. Yum yum!

Miss fitness class and you get a fat a##.

Well, at least he’s committed?

This way you missed class and achieve a goal at the same time.

More time for cheese.

I’m into fitness, fitness whole Krispy Kreme donut into my mouth

Where did the empty plate go in panel 3?

It’s good that at least some goals you set for yourself are ones that you are sure you can achieve.

I think the characters heads are too big right now.

It’s a goal!

Watch your weight, Pig, Hatfield is checking you out, be careful!

Now I know how the strip gets it’s name.

Pig takes the easy way. Lazy piggy!

It’s a reverse psychology goal. If Pig’s goal is to miss his exercise class, then tomorrow he actually will go. And perhaps even participate.

Now you’ll feel better about skipping it.

lmao

I still think the best fitness regimen is doing actual physical work around the house instead of hiring it done while one is off to the gym

A substantial goal would work better.

Americans, we’re so jolly and huggable. Just another retired day of relaxing and eating BonBons, and I have Dibs.

But there is no reason to miss it. I would add: …because I’ll be at the local donut shop taste testing cake donuts.

I don’t care about fat-shaming. If I see a 300 pound person I’m thinking they’re in poor health

Then when you fail, you’ll feel better because you actually went to class.

Oh, believe me, I’m sure it helps a lot, Pig!

YES, YES, YES!!!! I FINALLY DID IT!!!! I “BEAT” BASILBRUCE FOR THE “UNSPOKEN” CONTEST FOR “MOST” POPULAR COMMENT OF THE DAY WITH OVER A DOZEN REPLIES!!!!! DAN AKA….