Recent Comments

1. 3 days ago on Breaking Cat News
   Did you know the story we tell children about kids coming from the cabbage patch originated in Belgium?

   Yes. The babies were called Brussels Sprouts.

2. 3 days ago on Breaking Cat News
   A man sits down at a bar looking dejected. The bartender asks,“is everything alright?” The man replies," No, I got in a fight with my wife and she said she won’t speak to me for a month." “Maybe that’s a good thing”, replied the bartender, “a bit of piece and quite.”

   “Yeah”, the man replies, " Today is the last day."

3. 3 days ago on Breaking Cat News

   The final legal step, of course, is the breathalyzer, so the cop asks his subject to blow into the tube. Green light. In disbelief, the cop checks the breathalyzer and has the suspect try again. Another green light — the guy’s blood-alcohol level is legal.

   “All right,” says the cop, “how can you pass a breath test when you’re so obviously falling-down drunk?” “Well, it’s like this,” replies the guy. “You’ve heard of being the Designated Driver? I’m the Designated Decoy.”

4. 3 days ago on Breaking Cat News

   Of course, he doesn’t get more than a half-dozen blocks before the cop is on him, and he immediately pulls over. The cop has him step out of the car, sizes him up, and administers several field sobriety tests, with much effort (the driver has trouble understanding some of the tests). The driver fails all the tests miserably: can’t touch his nose, can’t walk straight, can’t stand on one foot, can’t recite a speedy alphabet.

5. 3 days ago on Breaking Cat News

   Drunk

   A cop is waiting across the street from a bar parking lot late on a Saturday night, watching for drunks trying to drive home. After a short wait, one particularly sad case stumbles out the door, the front of his shirt soaked, bleary-eyed, confused, wandering the parking lot looking for his car. He locates his car, fumbles for his keys, gets in (bumping his head in the process) and drives off, bumping the curb on the way.

6. 3 days ago on Breaking Cat News
   To catch a thief

   An old farmer got up in the middle of the night to use the toilet. As he was heading back to bed, he looked out the window and saw the lights on in his shed.

   A closer inspection revealed men loading his tools and farm machinery into their truck.

   He rushed to the phone and called 911. “I need the police! There are some guys clearing out my shed!”

   “OK sir, we have dispatched officers, they should be there in about an hour.”

   “An hour?! But they’ll be long gone by then!"

   “I’m sorry sir, there are no officers in your area."

   The farmer hung up, waited 10 minutes and then called 911 again. "Hi, it’s me again. Don’t worry about sending those cops, I’ve just shot the robbers,” he said and hung up.

   Less then 10 minutes later three cop cars and a helicopter showed and the robbers were arrested. The sergeant went up to the house and banged on the door. The farmer opened it in his dressing gown while holding a cup of tea.

   “What’s going on here? You said you shot the robbers!” demanded the sergeant.

   The farmer took a sip of tea and replied, "And YOU said there were no officers in the area.”

7. 3 days ago on Breaking Cat News
   What does Lightning McQueen feed his cats?

   Catchow!

8. 3 days ago on Breaking Cat News
   My 74 year old mom had a good one at the hospital today. The nurse asked her which arm would give the best reading for her blood pressure.

   My mom replied, “probably yours.”

9. 3 days ago on Breaking Cat News

   My friend tried to sync his smart phone to his Kia that he rented. It didn’t work. He was about to contact tech support, but realized it would be pointless.

   Because his phone was a NoKia

10. 3 days ago on Breaking Cat News

    Why do elephants paint their toenails red?

    So they can hide upside down in Cherry trees

    Have you ever seen an elephant upside down in a cherry tree?

    Shows you how good it works.