Not counting doesn’t change anything for me. The pain is still there, and the days feel the same regardless. Counting is just a way of marking time in a situation where nothing else feels real. It is the only way I feel connected to time or reality right now. It’s not about trying to move on or handle it (I’ve had too many loses to try to deal with it anymore)—it’s just what my mind does to make sense of how long I’ve been in this space how long I’ve been surviving, even if it doesn’t feel like living.
Okay so I’ve seen a lot of people hating on this arc but I’m going to be honest this arc really hit me in the feels. It’s a bittersweet one. I can’t remember the last time I had a laugh at all but it was with my best friend. Laughing like this was a completely different feeling. A feeling I haven’t felt since I lost him. It’s been 4 years, 5 months, 8 days since I lost him, the last person that I ever got close to or ever mattered to me. I’m getting sidetracked here. Point is, this arc wasn’t bad. It was a painful one for sure though. But it was good. Reminds us of the little moments with our friends that are going to break us down when we remember them once they’re gone.
Not counting doesn’t change anything for me. The pain is still there, and the days feel the same regardless. Counting is just a way of marking time in a situation where nothing else feels real. It is the only way I feel connected to time or reality right now. It’s not about trying to move on or handle it (I’ve had too many loses to try to deal with it anymore)—it’s just what my mind does to make sense of how long I’ve been in this space how long I’ve been surviving, even if it doesn’t feel like living.