Rubes by Leigh Rubin for April 29, 2022

But what about The Muffin Man??

Remember, when you point your finger, three fingers point back at you.

♫♪

Woke up, (ba dum ba duh)

fell out of bed (ba dum ba duh)

Dragged a comb (ba dum ba duh)

across my head (ba dum ba duh)

Found my way downstairs (ba dum ba duh)

and drank a cup (ba dum ba duh)

♪♫

Dough!!

They both abused each other’s stomachs

Somebody needs to check his hat for buttery flaky biscuits with lots of layers. I’m watching him. is that a … rolling pin. run for cupboard. EGGS. duck

His accusation is half-baked.

There’ll be a recess at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.

Defense attorney: But isn’t it true that my client never caused any permanent indentations AND that you giggled each time?

But he smiled and GIGGLED when poked!

CLEARLY a sado-masochistic relationship!

Let the records show he fingered the perp…

Guess there’s no point in continuing this trial any longer.

And there was a strange sauna they wanted me to climb into.

Worst possible outcome, fingered in court

“Just because I laughed every time he poked me (and he poked me all the time) doesn’t mean that I enjoyed it – I just couldn’t help it.”

Was it Homer Simpson? DUH!