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Aunty Acid by Ged Backland for March 16, 2025
March 15, 2025
March 17, 2025
Please Just Pay, Not Pray
Customer: “Oh, sweet Jesus! Are you a Satanist?!”
Me: “Uh… no, ma’am? Why would you ask such a thing?”
Customer: “You have a sign of the devil on your necklace!”
Me: “This is an alto clef; it’s a musical symbol.”
Customer: “Oh! Such a relief! So, you sing in the choir at your church?”
Me: “Actually, I’m an atheist.”
Customer: “That’s even worse! You need to start worrying about your soul, young lady! It’s getting to the end times! Planes dropping out of the sky! You need to find God!”
Me: “Ma’am, I am only here to ring up your groceries. I’m not interested in talking to you about God.”
Customer: “You ever hear those black box recordings from all those plane crashes? You know what those things record in everyone’s final moments? Praying! Everyone is praying to God!”
Me: “So they’re all praying, and the plane crashed anyway? Sounds like praying didn’t work.”
There is an uncomfortable pause as I continue to scan her items.
Customer: “…they weren’t praying hard enough!”