So, for calibration, when Erin says this is the worst night of her life… when she was 16, she was hypnotised into marrying the headmaster, who was secretly an immortal 19th-century occultist, as part of a Satanic ritual to open a portal to Hell — because her best friend Esther, who had been the first choice, had recently made herself ineligible for the role in a caravan in Wales with The Boy they were both interested in.
When Erin’s sister and friends showed up to disrupt the ceremony, Erin, along with her erstwhile husband, was sucked through the closing portal into Hell, where she was promptly widowed by a hungry demon. As she had been evicted from the universe, everyone remaining on Earth, including her sister and parents, forgot that she had ever existed, so no rescue attempts were mounted. Stranded in Hell, she made the best of it, and, primarily through a bad attitude and schoolgirl pluck, she fought her way to the Bone Throne, defeated Robot Hitler, and for the next three years reigned over Hell as Mordawwa, Queen of the Underworld.
Eventually she got tired of this, because it turns out it isn’t actually better to reign in Hell than to be a junior reporter at the Tackleford Cormorant, and she defeated Xaffej the Indefagitable, Guardian of the Great Fiery Elevator, by tricking him into scorning her (because, as we know, Hell hath no fury like…), and returned to Earth, where still no one remembered her. Despite the inconvenience of people not being able to remember she was there unless they were looking directly at her (that effect’s faded over time, but her family and former friends still don’t remember her), she eventually secured herself a dead-end job at a dying newspaper, and that’s where we’re at now.
So, uh, Erin’s standards for the worst night of her life are pretty high.
So, for calibration, when Erin says this is the worst night of her life… when she was 16, she was hypnotised into marrying the headmaster, who was secretly an immortal 19th-century occultist, as part of a Satanic ritual to open a portal to Hell — because her best friend Esther, who had been the first choice, had recently made herself ineligible for the role in a caravan in Wales with The Boy they were both interested in.
When Erin’s sister and friends showed up to disrupt the ceremony, Erin, along with her erstwhile husband, was sucked through the closing portal into Hell, where she was promptly widowed by a hungry demon. As she had been evicted from the universe, everyone remaining on Earth, including her sister and parents, forgot that she had ever existed, so no rescue attempts were mounted. Stranded in Hell, she made the best of it, and, primarily through a bad attitude and schoolgirl pluck, she fought her way to the Bone Throne, defeated Robot Hitler, and for the next three years reigned over Hell as Mordawwa, Queen of the Underworld.
Eventually she got tired of this, because it turns out it isn’t actually better to reign in Hell than to be a junior reporter at the Tackleford Cormorant, and she defeated Xaffej the Indefagitable, Guardian of the Great Fiery Elevator, by tricking him into scorning her (because, as we know, Hell hath no fury like…), and returned to Earth, where still no one remembered her. Despite the inconvenience of people not being able to remember she was there unless they were looking directly at her (that effect’s faded over time, but her family and former friends still don’t remember her), she eventually secured herself a dead-end job at a dying newspaper, and that’s where we’re at now.
So, uh, Erin’s standards for the worst night of her life are pretty high.