Tom the Dancing Bug by Ruben Bolling for October 25, 2013

Transcript:

Tom the Dancing Bug's Super-Fun-Pak Comix Edited by Ruben Bolling Twist-Ending Funnies Doctor: You have six months to live! Patient: I'd like a second opinion. Doctor: Okay. Life here on a moon of Saturn is pretty cool! Also: 20 feet tall ! How The World Ends 2005 Man: Look, I created this animated football robot that can dance! FOX SPORTS Man #2: Did you give it a soul? Man: A SOUL? Ha-ha, it's just a cute graphic for our football broadcasts! Man #2: I guess you're right... And thus it began... The Epic/ Brutal Report Boy #1: Hey, it's the dude who OWNS the Epic/ Brutal Report! Boy #2: Epic! Man: We're canceling this comic because it's OUTDATED now. Boy #1: Brutal! Man: These younger guys are starting the CHILL/ SHADY REPORT! Boy #3: Chill! Boy #1: So we're out?! Boy #4: Shady! Celebri-Science The lovely Jennifer Aniston evolved from lower, less famous forms of life! Spinoff Comix Man #1: Yow! Man #2: Ha-ha! You're so funny, you should have your own comic! Flathead McBignose Man: How was your day, Bonkster? Bonkster: Rough! Bonkster The Smoking Dog Bonkster: Here's my best friend, Phil Collins. Phil Collins Phil Collins: I became housemother at a girls' boarding school. Practical Jokes!! Itching Powder! Your friends will squirm in discomfort as you chemically assault their epidermis! Pepper Chewing Gum! Watch the hilarity as your pals mistake your malevolence for generosity! Punch in the Mouth! Your buddies will laugh jovially as you unexpectedly strike their face with your closed fist! Yes!! Rush me these items! Itching Powder $5 Pepper Gum $6 Punch in Mouth $10 Bag O' Weapons $975 Hold on. Did you just list a bag of actual weapons? That's got to be illegal and in no way a "joke" or "practical." And what on Earth do you mean by selling a "Punch in the Mouth"? I'm reporting this company right now. The cost of a phone call to the authorities is $0.10 Good Lord, what did you do to my beloved dog cat?! You monsters!! Okay, okay. What is it you want so that you'll go away and leave me alone? I won't say a word about this to anyone $2,999 TOTAL Name Address Send to: Jolly Novelties c/o Nerrex, Inc., Guam