Frazz by Jef Mallett for December 19, 2013

Then it’s horn you want, Caulfield: you get to spin it like a toddler driving a fake car. Or trombone: spit valves and fart noises, and they still get to play in orchestra. ;D

The hand bone’s connected to the trombone, the trombone’s connected to the jawbone, the jawbone’s connected to the head bone….

If you’re into irony, you might also like the triangle. It’s kind of irony.

Why stick with brass? My son can create amazingly obscene sounds with his double bass :-)

You could always tell by the puddles on the floor where the brass section sat at our high school orchestra.

The downside of playing woodwind in high school was being right in front of the brass section. I could barely ever hear myself playing, and the boys thought it was funny to dump the spit valves down our necks. That is a seriously nasty feeling.

Thanks, Notso! Nothing like an ironic smirk to brighten the day!

Not true in comedy, however. You can’t mix high culture with spit takes.

Woodwinds to one side, strings to the other. Keep the Brass in the back rows; Percussion …WAY BACK!

So do all the players have wiping towels or something?

No strings, it is a concert band. Usual seating, audience right to left: front row, clarinets, oboe, flutes; second row, bassoon, saxes low to high, trumpets; third row, trombones, baritones, French horns; fourth row, tubas, percussion.

Didn’t Mr. Holland comment on the “couthness” of emptying your spit valve on your neighbor’s foot?

Caulfield, definitely a trombone player