Richard's Poor Almanac by Richard Thompson for April 02, 2015

Transcript:

richard's poor almanac - by richard thompson spring weeding guide weed 1: earthworms are all gay - pass it on. weed 2: i've just downloaded some new photos of dirt! weed 3: ann coulter is a goddess. blogwort - uncontrolable creeper that rapidly spreads rumors, trivia & pinheaded opinions. dweeb: my girlfriend is so dumb she thinks "einstein" is one glass of beer! hey, is this on? mikeweed - attracts a variety of common pests, including really crummy stand-up comedians. man: where's the sale? inflatoguy stalk - attracts shoppers expecting car or furniture showrooms. bloatspurge (obesia) - it just makes your whole yard look fat. bride: hey! quit it! this is by vera wang! squirt weeds b gone ivory organza - sorry! wrong guide! weeding, not wedding! still, if your yard's infested with noxious bridesmaids dress you may want to spray.