Broom Hilda by Russell Myers for August 07, 2010

Hey! I’ve been behind Broomie in line almost every week–guess I just somehow didn’t recognize her!

Between the coupons and Broomie’s food stamps she gets her food free.

And then she’ll either pay by check or with her penny collection.

she’ll be a little short too

Then she will have trouble deciding witch credit card to use.

The only other constant… is that no matter what other line you switch to, there will be another Broomie there who will take even longer.

Expired coupon, you don’t have this item, wrong store, you have to buy four. That’s it, 2 coupons, Oh, an out of state check and no ID. MANAGER, checkout 3! No lady, don’t put froxen food on the candy counter. Wouldn’t you like to return those canned good? Yes lady, that’s 43 pennies. No, you can’t buy beer with food stamps.

Express lane, of course

They could have worked just as hard at hoarding them, also.

WHAT PEOPLE IN THE ‘10-ITEMS-OR-LESS’ LINE HAVE:

Coupons - 22%

Exact change, in coins - 12%

Misplaced their ‘Frequent Shopper’ card - 30%

A social relationship with the checker - 18%

Eleven items or more - 93%

I’d rather be stuck in line behind Broom Hilda than a woman with a herd of unruly toddlers any day.

And the manager accuses Broomie of eating a cucumber she hadn’t paid for, only to discover that it’s actually her nose.