The Argyle Sweater by Scott Hilburn for July 21, 2017

Like Dr. Phil, Dr. Dixon is not a real doctor.

He isn’t going to be Dr. Dixon much longer if he doesn’t unplug the toaster before sticking tweezers into it.

For most surgeons, after an unsuccessful surgery, the patient is toast.

I wonder what his procedure is for a clogged toilet?…

This calls for a bread recipe.

Every family has its…

I prefer my butter salted.

At least they seem very close.

The family that closes together…

Real doctors don’t use tweezers — they’re called “forceps.”