Rip Haywire by Dan Thompson for January 30, 2020

Eh, you can find out what she’s got planned for the evening.

For crying out loud, Ranger Rick, let her go. Or go talk to her optometrist, then let her go.

This sounds uncannily like the Del Norte County Sheriff’s office.

Duh! You question her, stupid! And if she’s legally blind, how does she get anywhere so easily as she does?

Ka-ZOOKS! Or something like that.

Don’t fall for the old “I’m legally blind” trick, Rip! Ka-Huh?

KA-GADZOOKS!

Looks like she’s innocent after all. (Of the murder, anyway.)

Ah good, there’s still a chance for flying fists.

KA-McGuffin!

He’s a boob, all right… At least he’s man enough to admit it.

What…? You left the keys on your desk?

Don’t you want somebody to love – Jefferson Airplane

Maybe if she opened her eyes…

She’s not legally blind, she’s legally blond! The only reason she has trouble seeing is that the giant fake eyelashes impair her vision.