F Minus by Tony Carrillo for July 15, 2021

Rental CONTACTS? What kind of ridiculous idea is that?!

OK, I’ve used it for a month. You can take it back now. HA ha HA!

Buy a knockoff at the discount store and try to pass it off.

I though he was getting baptised

You’re gonna lose your deposit…

Should have purchased insurance.

If you ever drop your keys in a river of molten lava, let ‘em go, ’cause, man, they’re gone. Jack Handey, in Deeper Thoughts : All New, All Crispy (1993)

I was at a beach resort (outdoor wash stations, tiki torches- charming as hell) when I got a bit of dirt in my eye. I left the communal dinner table and went to rinse the contact. I was putting it back in my eye, about 6 inches away, when a breeze came up and blew it away. I tracked its horizontal path about 3 feet in the torch light before I lost sight of it.When I got back to the table I told my wife what had happened. The blowhard across the table asked, “Didja move?” While a woman nearby said, “I can find it.” Embarrassed by the fuss, I started to explain what was obvious, the sand, the wind, the darkness. She responded, “Where would it go?” So we went. It took her several minutes to find it (about 15 feet away). I was amazed.

Now when I drop a lens in the bathroom I don’t throw up my hands and think, “It is lost and vanished forever!” I ask myself, “Where would it go?”