“Daughter, during these years when you are transitioning from child to adult, it is in my momming contract that I prevent you from doing anything that will still be screwing up your life at age, say, 30, while simultaneously letting you practice the autonomy thing. Therefore, things that will only screw up your life temporarily are, to a certain extent, no longer under my jurisdiction. But under the above rule, crime, drugs, sex, drinking, smoking, tattoos, music over 85 decibels, posting/phoning/emailing photos of yourself, and bad grades are my business, and the answer is NO. Hair, clothes, make-up, and piercings are your business; go nuts if you insist. Hair grows out, clothes can be donated to PlanetAid, make-up washes off, and piercings eventually grow closed if they don’t get infected.”
This also works:” Since you don’t pay anoy of the bills around here, and you are not of majority age, and I feed and clothe you and put a roof over your head, we do it mY way, until such time you move out and are on your own”.
The idea is to allow both parties to adjust with a minimum of sturm und drang, over about five to ten years, to the shift in the relationship from mother/child to adult/adult. Mom’s gotta train herself to loosen the apron strings at the same time that she trains her daughter to manage her own life without accumulating any more damage points than absolutely necessary. For which egregiously mixed metaphor I blush egregiously.
4deerinmyyard over 15 years ago
Don’t burn out the fairy godmother. Just say:
“Daughter, during these years when you are transitioning from child to adult, it is in my momming contract that I prevent you from doing anything that will still be screwing up your life at age, say, 30, while simultaneously letting you practice the autonomy thing. Therefore, things that will only screw up your life temporarily are, to a certain extent, no longer under my jurisdiction. But under the above rule, crime, drugs, sex, drinking, smoking, tattoos, music over 85 decibels, posting/phoning/emailing photos of yourself, and bad grades are my business, and the answer is NO. Hair, clothes, make-up, and piercings are your business; go nuts if you insist. Hair grows out, clothes can be donated to PlanetAid, make-up washes off, and piercings eventually grow closed if they don’t get infected.”
Ray_C over 15 years ago
“The Mommy Manifesto.” Very wise, 4deer. It takes a bit longer to say than, “Because I said so,” but makes more sense.
eagleowl over 15 years ago
This also works:” Since you don’t pay anoy of the bills around here, and you are not of majority age, and I feed and clothe you and put a roof over your head, we do it mY way, until such time you move out and are on your own”.
fritzoid Premium Member over 15 years ago
eagleowl, the problem with that is that it provides greater motivation to be out the door as soon as she can, whether she’s ready or not.
Teens NEED some latitude to explore (and sometimes overstep) boundaries. It’s hardwired, and necessary for growth.
4deer’s way will more likely lead to a more fulfilled and confident offspring, and one who might want to maintain a relationship with her parents.
4deerinmyyard over 15 years ago
The idea is to allow both parties to adjust with a minimum of sturm und drang, over about five to ten years, to the shift in the relationship from mother/child to adult/adult. Mom’s gotta train herself to loosen the apron strings at the same time that she trains her daughter to manage her own life without accumulating any more damage points than absolutely necessary. For which egregiously mixed metaphor I blush egregiously.