Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for August 10, 2003

Transcript:

"The Adventures of Angry Bob A Big Fat Tale O'Woe by Rat." "Bob." "Tired of dying, Angry Bob undied and returned to the bar where he had died just a week earlier." "'It is dumb to set yourself on fire to impress a woman,' he thought." "'To impress a woman, one must be indifferent and monitor one's verbosity.' Thus, Angry Bob sat quietly on his bar stool and waited. A woman said hello. Angry Bob grunted and walked off to the juke box." "Two more women followed. Angry Bob selected his songs. Eight more women swooned. Angry Bob went to the men's room." "Fourteen women stood outside the door. Angry Bob walked out and went straight to the pool table." "Seventy-one women surrounded the table. Angry Bob put down his cue stick and returned to the bar...Angry Bob silently surveyed the four hundred beautiful women now available to him for the first time in thirty-four lonely years." "...and felt an acute shortage of breath." "...for the surging throng of beauties had crushed him against the bar." "Bob snapped like a toothpick and died." "It's always something."