Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for January 25, 2004

Transcript:

DEAR MR. RAT, I AM IN RECEIPT OF THE NEXT THREE CHAPTERS OF YOUR SAGA OF ANGRY BOB, WHICH YOU SUBMITTED TO US FOR POSSIBLE PUBLICATION. PLEASED BE ADVISED THAT WE HERE AT THE NEW YORKER HAVE GROWN WEARY OF PUBLISHING THE MUNDANE, LIFELESS PROSE OF HACKS SUCH AS JOHN UPDIKE, JOAN DIDION AND NORMAN MAILER. WHY JUST THIS MORNING WE THOUGHT TO OURSELVES, 'WHAT WE REALLY NEED IS SOMETHING WRITTEN BY SOMEONE WITH A THIRD GRADE EDUCATION DISCUSSING THE PERILS OF MONKEYS TOSSING THEIR OWN EXCREMENT AT ZOO PATRONS. IMAGINE OUR SURPRISE WHEN WE OPENED YOU SUBMISSION TODAY AND EYED YOUR INSPIRED WORK. HOW REASSURING IT IS TO KNOW THAT THE FUTURE OF WESTERN LITERATURE LIES SQUARELY IN MONKEY %$#@ THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU "The challenge now is to remain humble."