Doonesbury by Garry Trudeau for May 26, 2014

YOU may talk o’ gin an’ beerWhen you’re quartered safe out ‘ere, An’ you’re sent to penny-fights an’ Aldershot it; But if it comes to slaughter You will do your work on water, 5An’ you’ll lick the bloomin’ boots of ‘im that’s got it. Now in Injia’s sunny clime, Where I used to spend my time A-servin’ of ’Er Majesty the Queen, Of all them black-faced crew 10The finest man I knew Was our regimental bhisti, Gunga Din.

It was "Din! Din! Din!You limping lump o’ brick-dust, Gunga Din!Hi! slippy hitherao! 15Water, get it! Panee lao!You squidgy-nosed old idol, Gunga Din!"

The uniform ‘e wore Was nothin’ much before, An’ rather less than ‘arf o’ that be’ind, 20For a twisty piece o’ rag An’ a goatskin water-bag Was all the field-equipment ‘e could find. When the sweatin’ troop-train lay In a sidin’ through the day, 25Where the ‘eat would make your bloomin’ eyebrows crawl, We shouted “Harry By!” Till our throats were bricky-dry, Then we wopped ‘im ’cause ’e couldn’t serve us all.

It was "Din! Din! Din! 30You ’eathen, where the mischief ’ave you been?You put some juldee in it,Or I’ll marrow you this minute,If you don’t fill up my helmet, Gunga Din!"

‘E would dot an’ carry one 35Till the longest day was done, An’ ‘e didn’t seem to know the use o’ fear. If we charged or broke or cut, You could bet your bloomin’ nut, ’E’d be waitin’ fifty paces right flank rear. 40With ‘is mussick on ’is back, ’E would skip with our attack, An’ watch us till the bugles made “Retire.” An’ for all ’is dirty ’ide, ’E was white, clear white, inside 45When ’e went to tend the wounded under fire!

It was “Din! Din! Din!”With the bullets kickin’ dust-spots on the green.When the cartridges ran out,You could ’ear the front-files shout: 50“Hi! ammunition-mules an’ Gunga Din!”

I sha’n’t forgit the night When I dropped be’ind the fight With a bullet where my belt-plate should ‘a’ been. I was chokin’ mad with thirst, 55An’ the man that spied me first Was our good old grinnin’, gruntin’ Gunga Din.

‘E lifted up my ’ead, An’ ‘e plugged me where I bled, An’ ‘e guv me ’arf-a-pint o’ water—green; 60It was crawlin’ an’ it stunk, But of all the drinks I’ve drunk, I’m gratefullest to one from Gunga Din.

It was "Din! Din! Din!’Ere’s a beggar with a bullet through ’is spleen; 65’E’s chawin’ up the ground an’ ’e’s kickin’ all around:For Gawd’s sake, git the water, Gunga Din!"

‘E carried me away To where a dooli lay, An’ a bullet come an’ drilled the beggar clean. 70‘E put me safe inside, An’ just before ‘e died: “I ’ope you liked your drink,” sez Gunga Din. So I’ll meet ‘im later on In the place where ’e is gone— 75Where it’s always double drill and no canteen; ’E’ll be squattin’ on the coals Givin’ drink to pore damned souls, An’ I’ll get a swig in Hell from Gunga Din!

Din! Din! Din! 80You Lazarushian-leather Gunga Din!Tho’ I’ve belted you an’ flayed you,By the livin’ Gawd that made you,You’re a better man than I am, Gunga Din!