Luann by Greg Evans and Karen Evans for December 24, 2013
December 23, 2013
December 25, 2013
Transcript:
Dad: "Luann, would you please pass the gravy? LUANN?" Mom: "I'll get it. She's busy admiring the centerpiece" Toni: "I like the etching on your parents' stemware, don't you?" Brad: "The what?"
Meanwhile, somewhere across town in some rundown shack, the Berger’s hover around a lone candle trying to GLEAN Some Small bit of Warmth.
“WHY, Mamma?” Tiny Gunthie asks as he Clutches His rough Hewn Wooden Crutch.
“Why did Luann Not INVITE Us to the Christmas Feast with Quill??”
Ma Berger Looked Down on Her Son with Tear Stained eyes and Said, “My POOR, DEAR, Gunthie! Because You are Hideous.” “And Luann Does Not wish to be reminded of Your Presence until She needs Help with Her Homework. But CHEER Up My Darling! We Have MUCH to be THANKFUL For!”
“Thankful for What, Mamma?” A Crestfallen Gunther Said.
Ma Berger popped a smile revealing rows of yellow, rotting teeth and Said: “Why Son, We have a Roof over Our Heads, Warmth, Quill’s passport, credit card information and His Laptop containing ALL of His Father Research Developments That He FOOLISHLY Hasn’t got Patents on Yet!”
Gunthie Suddenly Brighten like a Halogen Headlight.
“And When WE are RICH”, Ma Berger Cackled, “Your Luann will Suddenly Discover Your Inner Beauty”, My Dear Child! So See? We Have MUCH to Be THANKFUL For!!! Now Go and HACK His Laptop before He Returns!"
“God BLESS US!” Gunther Shouted. God BLESS Us! Everyone?!?"