Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for May 22, 2005

Transcript:

The Adventures of Angry Bob by Rat Angry Bob was angry. "I will go to a basketball game," thought Bob. "Perhaps they will have one of those promotions where each fan gets a free taco or other such prize if the home team gets 100 points. A prize would make me happy." Bob went to a Mavericks/Lakers game. He bought a soda and sat quickly in his purple seat." "Excuse me," Bob said, turning to the fan on his right, "Do you happen to know what tonight's prize is if the Lakers score 100 points?" "Yes," said the fan, "Tonight is 'Punch Bob in the Head' Night.If the Lakers score 100 points, all 18,000 of us get to punch Bob in the head. By the way, I don't believe we've met. What is your name?" "Bob," said Bob, regretting it. As the fans around him began to roll up their sleeves and clench their fists and drool with fury, Bob sat quietly in the center of the storm, sipping his cold sold." "As fate would have it that night, the Lakers played poorly, and with just one second on the clock, found themselves with only 94 points. "This is a good lesson," thought Bob. "That one should never get too down, because in the end, everything always works out fot the best." "And then, in the final second of play, The Lakers threw the ball in to Kobe Bryant, who hit a turnaround three-point shot and was fouled, enraging Mavericks owner, Mark Cuban, who ran onto the court and earned a double technical foul, leading to the first six-point play in the 59 year history of the National Basketball Association." "18,000 people punched Bob in the head. Bob died." "That wasn't a free taco."