STOP. In the name of the Lord, STOP. God doesn’t want this. Forget Catholic dogma. Talk to God. The Holy Spirit will listen and interpret your groans. All prayer is is opening your heart to Him. Then listen for His “still small voice.” Live only in the now. Blessings in your endeavor.
Don’t forget that relationship with Him. Ask for His guidance. Keep communicating. Recite the 23rd Psalm. It makes me feel calm. Count your blessings. Give thanks in all circumstances. Find someone you can help.
Holy bovine. Very talented.