Real Life Adventures by Gary Wise and Lance Aldrich for March 31, 2021

Bob died when, during a ceremony in his honor, the platform he was standing on collapsed…

♪♫ Bob, Bob, Bob – Bob Barbarian ♪♫

Hey, we could be related to one of the great despots of history! How cool would that be?

I don’t quite understand the desire to do this. I’m more interested in being a Texan.

On my fathers side of the family I’m descended from desperate horse thieves and cattle rustlers. On my mothers side of the family I’m descended from the nobility. So nothing but horse thieves and cattle rustlers on both sides. My mothers ancestors just had better press.

Everyone has some barbarians back when. I had one who went to work for the Romans, a Germanic officer in the Legions. His kid made consul. And another in Northern Europe with the best job title ever: Horde Commander. And some Normans who weren’t far from barbarians.

So – he’s half Barbarian? Conan might have been his great x100 grandfather!

Descended from carnival workers…he’d find that very interesting.

I have considerable human ancestry.

Yeah, but look at how both you and your son turned out….

They were men of great flatulence.

I learned some fascinating things from my genealogy. I learned my GGGGG grandfather was a “molatto carpenter” (sic) in 1763 North Carolina according to a store ledger.

Well, in this case their ancestry does explain why they appear to be such a family of losers.

Where do the ex step-sisters and former step-brothers fit in to the facts of unhappy families?

Every family has that one weird relative, if you don’t know who it is then it’s probably you.