Richard's Poor Almanac by Richard Thompson for August 13, 2015
August 12, 2015
August 14, 2015
Transcript:
richard's poor almanac corrections by richard thompson an editing error caused all adjectives in the march 12th edition to be replaced by the word "damn." we're sorry. the washington post all states between new york & california were labeled "the flyover belt" on most maps this year. oops! sunday supplement bags contained a free sample of ultrastat supercharged hair treatment. everybody hated it. it wasn't our fault. so stop calling us. zap zzt tzzt an outlook piece on russia failed to begin with a sardonic joke current in moscow expressing russian fatalism in the face of a bleak future. it won't happen again. woman: ha! in response to continued complaints, especially from animal lovers, our use of colored ink made from rodent slurry will be discontinued shortly. a george will column attributed the essay "dead at 17" to voltaire. the actual author is of course ann landers. or dear abby. we'll check. voltaire what's up with charlie brown's head this week? it looks like it took a long trip through a narrow birth canal. the entire text of parade magazine, even howard huge, was inadvertently printed on the head of a pin. we goofed! "poet's choice" was omitted from book world last week. it should have read: kindergarten baby kindergarten baby, wash your face in gravy, wrap it up in bubble gum, and send it to the navy.
One of Mark Twain’s pearls of wisdom for aspiring writers:“Whenever you’re tempted to use the word ‘very’, replace it with ‘damned.’ Your editor will remove it, and your writing will be all the better for it.”