Richard's Poor Almanac by Richard Thompson for May 30, 2016

Transcript:

Richard's Poor Almanac by Richard Thompson Solar Safety Did you know that harmful ultraviolet rays are actually attracted to pale fishbelly skin? Thank heavens for pasty-pal! Just stick this pallid lifelike scarecrow in the sand while you enjoy a cheesy celebrity magazine, secure in the knowledge that all the rays'll go right to him. Aw, Angelina Jolie had a baby! More active beachgoers should try the BRIM-Sol line of hats. Each hat provides a full quarter acre of safe portable shade with a guaranteed SPF of +650. My eye! Ow! And they're available with full mosquito netting. This isn't the Unger family reunion to tent? No. Go away. Or you can enjoy the beach from the safety of your own home with the NASA inspired Sol-bot, a remote-controlled all-terrain robot! It features volleyball capable hands, a stereo video camera and, of course, solar power. Great, here comes that old guy with the metal detector again. Aw, she named her baby Shelob.