Ted Rall for April 05, 2008

Transcript:

The Swiss "large hadron collider" will smash protons to create the energies and conditions last seen a trillionth of a second after the big bang. The collider might produce a tiny black hole that could swallow the earth, or a "strangelet" that would convert our planet to a dead lump. Nice going, Ace! All 200,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 atoms making up the earth have ceased to exist. Jerk. What if it happens? Gov. Tom Kean will convene a blue-ribbon panel to meet in the cosmic void to investigate. We're already drafting subpoenas. The commission will publish a report for intelligent life forms, should they eventually evolve, to read. The black hole commission report. Also, there will be movie and graphic novel spin-offs of the book. It'll be totally cool.