Ted Rall for May 05, 2008

Transcript:

Hillary Clinton's mathematicians say she has already won the democratic nomination. Victory was achieved by including states where her opponents weren't on the ballot, as well as several foreign countries. They used probabilistic algorithms based upon imaginary numbers to determine that Hillary has also defeated John McCain in November. Theoretical math doesn't lie! Congratulations, Hillary! Hillary has also won re-election in 2012. Multivariate normal distributions of quantiles prove it. It was a cakewalk. Projected Clinton re-elected. Soon: Hillary solves the four-dimensional poincare conjecture, ensuring immortality after she sheds her dowdy corporeal form. In your corporeal face, human scum!