Tom the Dancing Bug by Ruben Bolling for March 22, 1998

Transcript:

Mix N' Match: Scandal Spinnin' Follow along as the president chooses from these handy options to create a refreshing spin on each new sex-scandal accusation! 1: The reaction "I'm a) disappointed {If the accuser is young and could be portrayed as a victim] b) angered [If the accuser is being paid by a conservative think-tank] c) mystified [If the accuser is a democrat] d) shocked [If the accuser is bow-wowsville] by the accusation." 2 The denial: "I deny [The embarrassing, sexual part of the latest allegation], and I absolutely deny [The perjury/obstruction of justice part of the latest allegation] (raise fist in this gesture)." 3) His version "And any relationship I may have had with...(pause) that woman was a) merely affectionate b) cordially cuddly c) erotically charged, but platonic d) not an 'affair' per se (do quotation mark gesture and wink)." 4) Closure "I need to get back to the business of a)running the country b) riding out my remaining 2 1/2 years c) My fund-raising scandal