Tom the Dancing Bug by Ruben Bolling for August 14, 1999

Transcript:

in its continuing effort to regulate itself, the motion picture industry is proud to unveil its new rating system... motion picture association of america's movie ratings the scene: primitively drawn cartoon character describes homosexual act. the rating: nc-œ no one admitted at all. the scene: a man and woman engage in loving heterosexual act. the rating: nc-p no one admitted without accompanying parent, regardless of age. the scene: use of a particular slang word that is a vulgar reference to the sex act. the rating: r-a no children under 17 unless there is an adult in the theater. the scene: graphic depiction of a psycho killing dozens of people. the rating: r-m only, like, mature kids admitted. like, if you're totally immature, or a trenchcoat geek, no way! the scene: an action hero guns down hundreds of screaming bad guys. the rating: pg-ac children under 13 admitted only for the purpose of cooling off in air conditioning. the scene: an adorable cartoon puppy sings about finding his identity. the rating: g anyone admitted! filmmakers, if you don't like the above capricious system, edit down to this rating a quit whining. america can rest assured that in order to circumvent this system, a teenager would have to do something impossibly clever, like buying a ticket at a cineplex for a g-rated movie, and then walking into an nc-p movie. so enjoy, america!