Tom the Dancing Bug by Ruben Bolling for May 19, 2001

Transcript:

Tom the Dancing Bug by Ruben Bolling Did You Know? This week -- CELEBS! We see their movies! We watch their publicity appearances! We crouch in the bushes of their front lawns, clutching scraps of cloth recovered from their trash! We never tire of our celebrities, nor of fun facts about them! Before she got jobs acting in movies, people didn't know JULIA ROBERTS was a CELEBRITY, forcing her to work as a WAITRESS and buy her own SUNDRIES! Elizabeth Taylor is one of our most important celebrities, and a team of historians has been commissioned to find out WHY! Superstar Faith Hill is a fabulous celebrity, yet her adrenal gland secretes aldosterone in order to regulate her salt and water balance! Hugh Grant occasionally dresses up as a non-celeb and walks among us--even engaging in carnal activities on some occasions! TRY THIS EXPERIMENT! Stand near a celebrity--you'll find yourself becoming very excited, and you'll later tell all your friends about it! Rainy Day activity! There's not a COURT in the land that can stop you from imagining HEATHER LOCKLEAR naked! Prince William is not an entertainer, but is reported upon exhaustively by the entertainment press BECAUSE HIS VERY EXISTENCE IS ENTERTAINING!