Tom the Dancing Bug by Ruben Bolling for September 08, 2001

Transcript:

Tom the Dancing Bug by Ruben Bolling Did You Know? This week -- TELEVISION Television! Your window to the world! As if it doesn't provide us with enough joy, here are some FUN T.V. FACTS to entertain and anesthetize you! Television: AAAA Many parents use television as a BABYSITTER -- a babysitter who will show their children 3,824 murders by the time they're six. Despite your cherished "memories," YOUR FAMILY NEVER HAD A BUTLER NAMED MR. BELVEDERE! That was a T.V. show. The Nielsen ratings are a SHAM! No one REALLY watches "The Weakest Link." And the REAL highest-rated T.V. show of all time? The LEIF GARRETT episode of "Behind The Music" on VH1! TRY THIS EXPERIMENT AT HOME! If you turn your television OFF, your home becomes eerily quiet! Quick! Turn it back on! BEFORE THE INVENTION OF TELEVISION, families would spend evenings telling stories, selling each other deodorant, and describing pharmaceutical side effects in a fast, monotone voice. YEARS AGO, people who watched "My Favorite Martian" reruns were called PATHETIC LOSERS! TODAY, they're called ironic hipsters! More Americans interpret the news by watching the expression on Peter Jenning's face than any other face!