Tom the Dancing Bug by Ruben Bolling for June 07, 2003

Transcript:

Tom the Dancing Bug by Ruben Bolling Presents: News of the Times Corrections The "News of the Times" has uncovered some unfortunate instances of our reporters fabricating reports, claiming to be at locations to which they never actually went. In all cases, the reporter was dismissed. Reported location: Salinas, Calif., gathering information on migrant farm workers Reporter was actually: In Cleveland, Ohio, getting a tummy-tuck and recuperating at his in-laws' Reporter's race: African-American Response: We are placing our diversity program under review and casting a cloud of suspicion on the merit and integrity of all African-American reporters. Reported location: Ottawa, covering Canadian tarriff legislation. Reporter was actually: In his Long Island apartment meticulously cataloging and indexing his Time-Life Complete F-Troop DVD Collection Television: I see ballooon! Reporter's race: Arab-American Responses: All Arab-American reporters sent to Guantanemo Bay for appropriate questioning by federal authorities. Reported location: Embedded with the U.S. Army's 102nd Airborne Division during the Iraq War Reporter actually: Spent the war preparing for and attending the FantasyCon and GamingEXPO in Detroit, Mich. Reporter's race: White Response: Hey, what can you do? We'll just hire another white reporter to replace this one. We regret the error and the fact that this reporter attended the convention dressed as a Romulan vampire-unicorn.