Tom the Dancing Bug by Ruben Bolling for April 24, 2004

Transcript:

Attention, Multi-Millionaires! You can get the U.S. Government to do anything you want! Ahmad: I got the U.S. Government to take over my homeland of Iraq and install me in positions of power! Imagine what you could do with The Ahmad Chalabi Method(tm)! 1. Decide exactly what you'd like done. Guy: Umm... My resort in Florida is losing business to the Bahamas... I'd like some islands blown up. 2. Feed false information to key adminstration officials. Guy: Al Qaeda operatives were spotted at the majestic Bahamian Casino's nickel slots! I've got a tourist who saw underground nuclear silos at Turtle Cay. The Bahamian citizenry would love being blown up. 3. Sit back and watch the fireworks. FAQ Q: What if I'm a convicted felon? Ahmad: No problem! Q: What if I don't want to use my own money? Ahmad: Simple. Get the U.S. Government to pay you to provide false information! Q: What if I don't feel like apologizing when the disinformation is uncovered? Ahmad: Apologize?! You can brag about how successful your scheme was! Q: My homeland of Sudan is in the throes of a genocidal war, and I was hoping... Ahmad: Sorry, the Ahmad Chalabi Method(tm) only works for multi-millionaires. Sign up now, and get the Ahmad Chalabi Method(tm) kit including Wolfowitz's cell number Rumsfeld's personal E-mail Cheney's bunker fax number No project too big or small! Guy: Informants are saying that North Korea will fall if I get nightly foot massages from Michelle Pfeiffer.