Tom the Dancing Bug by Ruben Bolling for August 18, 2007

Transcript:

Tom the Dancing Bug Great Moments in Sports History Dogged by Controversy... PUD REILLY Breaks Career Home Run Record in 1908 12* They said the beloved record of 11 career homers would stand forever! Pud never heard the boos when he hit his historic 12th homer, because he always played in a drunken, syphilitic haze. BOO BOO Performance Enhancer? Pud: If by "performance enhancer," you mean did I threaten the lives of pitcher's wives if'n they dint pitch me a slowball, I got no comment! Players of Non-Northern European descent had only recently been allowed to play in the majors, which was believed to pad Pud's stats... Pud: Pitch it in 'ere, ya slightly off-white mongrel! Pud had the use of all four limbs, considered an unfair athletic advantage in the early days of baseball. Commissioner Ernest Schackle, a saloonkeeper and bookie, openly decried Pud's acheivement. Ernest: The great innocence of baseball has been forever tarnished by your vile record. Pud: You can kiss my asterisk. Now, gimme my money -- I bet on the other fellas, and I gotta pay the ump. Pud's offseason business, an immigrant-childfighting ring, did nothing to enhance his popularity. $$ Ruben Bolling