Tom the Dancing Bug by Ruben Bolling for April 28, 2011

Transcript:

Tom the Dancing Bug by Ruben Bolling Presents: News of the Times Descendant of Ancient English Tyrants To Wed Willy Windsor, of Essex, claims to have verifiable proof that he's the descendant of a line of medieval English tyrants. Willy: 'ats right, ya tossers! Me ancestors were kings an' such! His claim would have been laughed off as a triviality if not for his outrageous demand: Willy: So you all gotta put me up in a posh mansion in London, and get me WEDDING all fancied up an' paid for by the state! He is apparently engaged to wed Kate Middleton, of West Berkshire. Kate: I find the fact that Willy's ancestors ran around lopping off geezers' heads and subjugating the masses appealing! The average Briton finds the whole thing preposterous. Man: Why would our country be obliged to pay for someone who happens to carry a sliver of DNA from medieval psychopaths? Britain is a modern democracy! And yet the U.K. government has in fact acquiesced. Man: We find those who can trace their genealogy, through a line of arbitrary rules, back to an ancient family of feudal bullies to be a living part of our nation's rich heritage. Willy: 'at's right, gov'nor! Now, pass me a canape!