Aunty Acid by Ged Backland for November 16, 2024

Combing Through The Memories

When my sister and I were little, our grandparents babysat us while our parents were at work. One of my favorite things to do was play “beautician” with my grandpa’s hair while he watched the news and my sister took her afternoon nap. I would take his comb from his pocket, run to the sink to wet it down — for “hairspray” — and style his hair all sorts of ways; he would then go and model my work for my grandma.

One day, my sister didn’t want to nap, so my grandparents found a second comb and we took turns styling his hair. He modeled a few styles before it occurred to him that my sister was not tall enough to reach the sink to wet her comb. Grandma asked my sister where she got the water, but she refused to say. Grandma decided to follow her to see what was going on.

Sure enough, my sister was going to the bathroom, lifting the lid of the toilet, dipping the comb in the water, and closing the lid again. She immediately stopped my sister from doing Grandpa’s hair and told him what was happening. He jumped up and ran to the shower while Grandma tried to explain why toilet water was not an acceptable substitute for hairspray. They told my parents that evening and we all had a good laugh about it.

This was over 20 years ago. My grandpa has since developed dementia and often forgets the most basic things, but he always lights up and laughs when my sister offers to do his hair.

Has Certain Memories PINNED

(My mom takes me out for a morning of errands with her, and is trying to figure out what order to do things in.)

Mom: “We need groceries, and you wanted a new notebook, and your dad asked if I could check on the price of sand for him… but I’ll have to go to the ATM first, and there’s always a line this time of day.”

Me: “I could go to the ATM for you, and meet you at the grocery store.”

Mom: “That’s sweet, honey, but to use the ATM you’d have to know my–”

Me: recites my mother’s four-digit PIN code

Mom: “How did you know that?!”

Me: “By watching you enter it every couple weeks since I was five?”

Mom: hands me ATM card “Get $300.”

Cherry-Picked Memories

(The whole class gets done with our chemistry final really early, so we spend the rest of the period swapping stories with the teacher. We get around to talking about things we did when we were little.)

Teacher: “My sister and I used to have wars where we’d build forts out of tree branches and throw things at each other.”

Student #1: “What… kind of things? You don’t mean rocks, do you?”

Student #2: “No, come on. He means water balloons.”

Teacher: “It was usually cherry bombs, actually.”

Student #2: “What?! For real?”

Teacher: “Scout’s honor. And yes, they were lit and everything.”

Student #1: “Geez, [Teacher], you could’ve really hurt each other!”

Teacher: “That was the intent!”

Now I’m homesick, and the onion ninjas are back.

I’ve got one for you. My brother, who’s 8 years younger than me, was working in a pub. I hadn’t been in there before, but I was out and decided to visit him. Another patron who didn’t know our relationship came up and asked me “Are you chatting up our new barman?” His jaw dropped when I replied “I don’t have to I live with him!” After a few minutes the penny dropped. My brother and I had a good laugh.

I remember that onion too!

I wish it would be that easy to cry. Makes it easier to deal with some memories.

Every dam day.

Sometimes I laugh so hard, tears run down my leg

Now why would you do that to me so early in the morning, Auntie??

Happens to me all the time. Unfortunately you cannot go back and relive those memories.

Same here, Aunty.

Hope they were good…….

It could be a song, or a climatic scene from a classic movie; “Hail Freedonia!”