Aunty Acid by Ged Backland for February 02, 2025

“And Miles To Go Before I Sleep”

My coworker at the drive-thru turns off her mic for a moment and sighs loudly.

Me: “You all right, love?”

Coworker: “My brain has actually gone to mush. I wanted to tell that customer that their total came to £17.50, and I said to her, ‘That’s ten to six.’”

When The Scam Sitch Solves Itself

I’m casually toiling away with some art projects on my laptop at home when I get a call from a phone number I don’t recognize. Normally, I just ignore it, but I need a break from my work, so I decide to humor it.

Me: “Hello?”

Scammer: “Hello, and congratulations! You were selected for our $50,000 cash prize giveaway!”

Me: Feigning surprise “Really! And this isn’t a scam of some kind?”

Scammer: “Oh, no, it is!” The sounds of paper rustling “I mean, that is what my script told me to say.”

Me: Almost at a loss for words “Y-Yeah…?”

Scammer: “…Oh, s***.” Click

And that’s the tale of how I almost passed out laughing from sheer scammer stupidity.

That happens a lot. I guess I’m lucky. No hot flashes.

I thought that’s what child birth is for.

Sleep has gone to its eternal rest.

…And babies.