Aunty Acid by Ged Backland for February 02, 2025

“And Miles To Go Before I Sleep”

My coworker at the drive-thru turns off her mic for a moment and sighs loudly.

Me: “You all right, love?”

Coworker: “My brain has actually gone to mush. I wanted to tell that customer that their total came to £17.50, and I said to her, ‘That’s ten to six.’”

When The Scam Sitch Solves Itself

I’m casually toiling away with some art projects on my laptop at home when I get a call from a phone number I don’t recognize. Normally, I just ignore it, but I need a break from my work, so I decide to humor it.

Me: “Hello?”

Scammer: “Hello, and congratulations! You were selected for our $50,000 cash prize giveaway!”

Me: Feigning surprise “Really! And this isn’t a scam of some kind?”

Scammer: “Oh, no, it is!” The sounds of paper rustling “I mean, that is what my script told me to say.”

Me: Almost at a loss for words “Y-Yeah…?”

Scammer: “…Oh, s***.” Click

And that’s the tale of how I almost passed out laughing from sheer scammer stupidity.

That happens a lot. I guess I’m lucky. No hot flashes.

I thought that’s what child birth is for.

Sleep has gone to its eternal rest.

…And babies.

Reason number 6 why I am glad I am not a girl.

……its the age …….baby…….the age!!!!!

There must be some kind of cruel irony that it’s call MENopause.

There’s no period after the letter “P” — typo? Error on the part of the stone cutter? Subtle joke . . . ?

Remember the good ol’ days when sleep came easy. The good ol’ days when one snack didn’t make you gain a full pound of weight overnight. The good ol’ days when you woke up without any pain at all. Cherish the memories, and keep your sense of humor as long as possible too.

Mine is a 5 lb Yorkie who lets me have the edge of the bed + one cat who loves to come racing down the hall, crash land on the bed, then purr at 90 db and another cat who loves to purr allll night – I haven’t slept in YEARS