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We have this new girl at work who isn’t very bright, which is fine, but she’s also lazy. She has obviously coasted by on looks and being all “cute.” She gets back half an hour late from her lunch break, and a coworker points this out.
Coworker: “You took a ninety-minute lunch.”
New Girl: “Yeah, sorry, but I met a cute guy, and we had a really nice chat! I think he’s going to take me out to dinner!”
Coworker: “Don’t you have a boyfriend?”
New Girl: “Yeah, but this guy is soooo cute! I hope you don’t think any less of me?”
Coworker: “How could I think any less of you?”
New Girl: “Aww, thanks!”
She waltzes away, and I turn to my coworker.
Me: “She has no idea you just insulted her, does she?”
Coworker: “Nope, but I wasn’t expecting her to. She’s the reason there are instructions on shampoo.”
My boss comes up to my desk to assign a task to me.
Boss: “I need you to create a spreadsheet to produce [complicated function]. I know it’s a lot to ask for it to be done by Friday, so I’ve assigned [New Hire] to assist.”
I make a face.
Boss: “What’s wrong with [New Hire]?”
Me: “Personally, nothing, but I think he lied on his CV when he said he was proficient at Excel.”
Boss: “Is he not?”
Me: Trying to be diplomatic “Well, he… You see…”
My coworker comes to my rescue and blurts out:
Coworker: “It’s like watching a toddler fold laundry.”
There’s a pause for a moment.
Boss: “Okay… You can work on your own, and you can take until Monday.”
Customer: “Can I make, like, a group booking for an anti-Valentine’s Day party?”
Me: “Uh… that’s over six months away.”
Customer: “Yeah, I know, but I’m sure that’s normally a very busy night for you. I wanted to be considerate and get a booking in now.”
Me: “For how many people?”
Customer: “Sixty.”
Me: “Sixty! Like, six-oh?”
Customer: “Yup!”
Our restaurant seats sixty people exactly. I feel like this guy already knows this.
Me: “Let me get my manager.”
I go get my manager and inform him of the request.
Manager: “So you’re effectively asking to book out the entire restaurant?”
Customer: “Yup! Is that doable?”
Manager: “I mean, technically yes but there’s a separate booking process for that. You’d have to commit to a minimum spend with a sizeable and non-refundable deposit.”
Customer: “That’s totally fine. I understand it would be a busy night for you so I don’t want you to be out of pocket as a result. How much is it?”
Manager: “I don’t know off the top of my head. It’s been a long time since we had the entire place booked. I’ll need to call the owner.”
Customer: “That’s cool. Whatever you need to do!”
The manager goes to the side and makes a call. He puts the owner on with the customer, who agrees to all the conditions happily and willingly. The booking is made, and we ask if he’d like us to provide anything special since it’s a special booking, but he insists all we’d need to do is provide the regular menu and allow them to bring their own cake.
I’d almost forgotten about this exchange until six months later and the week before Valentine’s Day rolls around and we all start to prepare for this mysterious party we’ll be hosting.
We put up signs saying we’ll be closed on February 14th for a private booking, and have to field a lot of disappointed phone calls from customers wanting to make romantic bookings.
FreyjaRN Premium Member 4 days ago
Dad was proud of his weird kid.
davidob 4 days ago
He didn’t nurse grudges, or begrudge nurses?
The Reader Premium Member 4 days ago
The world is doomed!
[Traveler] Premium Member 4 days ago
My daughter and I do wordle every day and then compare our results. It’s freaky how often we have used the exact same words.
dflak 4 days ago
Children will never do what you say, but they will do what you do.
rockyridge1977 4 days ago
……..role model???
ladykat Premium Member 4 days ago
Very true, Aunty!
Kornfield Kounty 4 days ago
“Be crazy. Be stupid. Be silly. Be weird. Be whatever. Because life is too short to be anything but happy”
Hoda Kotb
Daltongang Premium Member 4 days ago
Isn’t turning them into an alcoholic considered child abuse where you are Aunty?
cuzinron47 4 days ago
Funny, we’ve known it for some time.
Yakety Sax 4 days ago
This Behavior Is Soooo Not Cute
We have this new girl at work who isn’t very bright, which is fine, but she’s also lazy. She has obviously coasted by on looks and being all “cute.” She gets back half an hour late from her lunch break, and a coworker points this out.
Coworker: “You took a ninety-minute lunch.”
New Girl: “Yeah, sorry, but I met a cute guy, and we had a really nice chat! I think he’s going to take me out to dinner!”
Coworker: “Don’t you have a boyfriend?”
New Girl: “Yeah, but this guy is soooo cute! I hope you don’t think any less of me?”
Coworker: “How could I think any less of you?”
New Girl: “Aww, thanks!”
She waltzes away, and I turn to my coworker.
Me: “She has no idea you just insulted her, does she?”
Coworker: “Nope, but I wasn’t expecting her to. She’s the reason there are instructions on shampoo.”
Yakety Sax 4 days ago
That Explains All The Socks In The File Cabinet
My boss comes up to my desk to assign a task to me.
Boss: “I need you to create a spreadsheet to produce [complicated function]. I know it’s a lot to ask for it to be done by Friday, so I’ve assigned [New Hire] to assist.”
I make a face.
Boss: “What’s wrong with [New Hire]?”
Me: “Personally, nothing, but I think he lied on his CV when he said he was proficient at Excel.”
Boss: “Is he not?”
Me: Trying to be diplomatic “Well, he… You see…”
My coworker comes to my rescue and blurts out:
Coworker: “It’s like watching a toddler fold laundry.”
There’s a pause for a moment.
Boss: “Okay… You can work on your own, and you can take until Monday.”
Yakety Sax 4 days ago
Best… Valentine’s Day… Ever!
Customer: “Can I make, like, a group booking for an anti-Valentine’s Day party?”
Me: “Uh… that’s over six months away.”
Customer: “Yeah, I know, but I’m sure that’s normally a very busy night for you. I wanted to be considerate and get a booking in now.”
Me: “For how many people?”
Customer: “Sixty.”
Me: “Sixty! Like, six-oh?”
Customer: “Yup!”
Our restaurant seats sixty people exactly. I feel like this guy already knows this.
Me: “Let me get my manager.”
I go get my manager and inform him of the request.
Manager: “So you’re effectively asking to book out the entire restaurant?”
Customer: “Yup! Is that doable?”
Manager: “I mean, technically yes but there’s a separate booking process for that. You’d have to commit to a minimum spend with a sizeable and non-refundable deposit.”
Customer: “That’s totally fine. I understand it would be a busy night for you so I don’t want you to be out of pocket as a result. How much is it?”
Manager: “I don’t know off the top of my head. It’s been a long time since we had the entire place booked. I’ll need to call the owner.”
Customer: “That’s cool. Whatever you need to do!”
The manager goes to the side and makes a call. He puts the owner on with the customer, who agrees to all the conditions happily and willingly. The booking is made, and we ask if he’d like us to provide anything special since it’s a special booking, but he insists all we’d need to do is provide the regular menu and allow them to bring their own cake.
I’d almost forgotten about this exchange until six months later and the week before Valentine’s Day rolls around and we all start to prepare for this mysterious party we’ll be hosting.
We put up signs saying we’ll be closed on February 14th for a private booking, and have to field a lot of disappointed phone calls from customers wanting to make romantic bookings.
(contd)
Smeagol 4 days ago
My son is my Mini Me but he’s taller by 6 inches. Two peas in a pod we are.
Kurtass 4 days ago
I have two.
dbrucepm 4 days ago
our daughter is like my wife but our sons are nothing like either of us
Ernest_CT 3 days ago
Please keep us up to date on her antics!