Close to Home by John McPherson for April 20, 2020

I hope to hell i never have pain bad enough to rate at number 10.

I’d say abdominal cramps due to food poisoning is a close 9, and maybe also having a toenail torn off. Those are the only pains that have managed to floor me.

That’s a pretty good scale. Ten should be immediately followed by death or unconsciousness.

I think 9 or 10 is judged by the nurse. Call Housekeeping for any thing higher.

So what level gets me the good stuff?¿

8 looks like the corona virus. That won’t last long. It was made in China. WWG1WGA

The great thing about thoracic surgery is the -10 IV drip

I can’t say that I have rated a 10 but a 9 at least twice. Once when a step ladder turned over and I landed on it. After all CT scan the doctor said that he didn’t understand. He would have diagnosed me with at least 3 broken ribs and a ruptured spleen but I only had very deep bruising. It was so deep that it never show up as a bruise on my skin. I now have to warn then when I get an x-ray that I have scar tissue that shows up and makes them want to do a follow up x-ray. The other time was when I had a perforated ulcer. I wound up in surgery at 1 am. I had an argument with the girl doing the CT scan when she told me to slid over from the bed to the table to do the scan. She wouldn’t believe me when I said I couldn’t but when she had to help me up off the floor she started to believe me about the pain.

That guy rates a 6 for the underwear alone.

I never did like the rating of pain like that. One’s perception of pain is much to subjective a thing to possibly quantify objectively like the doctors and nurses request.

An oldie but goodie. One of my favorites.

Bleeb not having anything to do with this

I like #1. We get along well. Or is it good.

I use that same scale for the way I deal with food. #1 = BBQ, all the way to #10 = Gas Station Burrito.

My mental faculties are at 10 right now

My dominatrix got really turned on when I told her I had a high pain threshold..

I’d love to see Baymax rolling out that chart.

The masochist enjoyment index. Can be read in either direction.

I hate putting my pain in a category…

Allie Brosh has a good take on the pain scale:http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2010/02/boyfriend-doesnt-have-ebola-probably.html

I went to the ER with a bloated stomach and difficulty breathing. I had an ileus (your bowels stop moving, allowing gas to build up) which was misdiagnosed as a bowel obstruction. I begged them for O2 but they wouldn’t give it to me because my O2 sats were OK. I’m athletic so I was able to keep up my O2 by belly breathing. Turns out, I had an aspiration pneumonia from inhaling a small piece of foam rubber three months before. I had been seeing a doctor for three months for pain in my kidneys and was being tested for kidney disease. The pain was actually radiating from my diaphragm. After belly breathing for hours, my belly muscles seized up in a massive cramp – and then my back muscles joined in. That was a ten. Hell, that was dialed up to eleven. Finally, the next day they found I had a collapsed lung from the pneumonia and that was causing all the problems. They forced me to cough and all of a sudden, up comes this tennis ball sized blood clot with the foam rubber in it. At first I thought I was dying, hemorrhaging to death. Instead, I was instantly cured. But, my stomach muscles never recovered and to this day I frequently get belly cramps and each one is a ten. I never go anywhere without muscle relaxants. I had to give up swimming laps after I nearly drowned from getting a cramp in mid workout.

Fibromyalgia folks (me) are familiar with a pretty constant 5-6 range, arthritis (friends and relatives) may be there or a bit higher. Surgery, accident injuries, can get you up to a ten, and really bad fibromyalgia/neuropathy flares can hit a ten. Btw, you CAN get “used to “ pain, but cannabis works better for many than opiates, and though some can become psychologically dependent, it’s not physically addictive like pharmaceuticals like opiates or benzodiazepines. (It helps PTSD AND fibromyalgia btw.) Which, I keep telling my medical folks, Doc, PAs, “shrink” and others I don’t like “stoned” so always quit administering at first relief of symptoms, and they look at me and say “Use MORE!”. As does my spousal unit! Pain sucks, and yes it IS in your head, AND your body, ‘cause both are connected. Tai chi and Qigong also work!!

No. 1 looks like he got the good stuff.

OH! COVID has kept me from my massage therapist, another key player in pain relief, God bless ‘em!

Going by his face, I’d say 3.5?

I was close to a 10 when I was suffering from a kidney stone.

If you ever get Pancreatitis you will be off the chart I have had it eight times. imagine someone is kneading your stomach and its full of broken glass.