Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for July 26, 2014

And your family thanks you for it, Rat.

I know who are my cousins are on my mother’s side and some of their spouses and children. Sadly, I don’t see them often since the majority of them are in Arizona (born/bred) and I’m in Washington (also born/bred). I also don’t know much of my granduncles’/-aunts’ children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren since they would also be in Arizona.

I have lots of cousins, and I would only recognize less than five of them on sight. My family wasn’t close at all.

Who really is?

I’m surprised he didn’t ask when the reading of the will would be (his typical response).

Rat has a mother??

Sad, Rat. Very sad. Get to know your family while you may! (RIP, Aunt Millie.)

poor aunt Millie.she was poor as a church mouse

no surprise there Rat

Rats reproduce like a lot of Humans do…too many….I SAID TOO MANY!!!

When your own mother calls you “Rat,” it’s no wonder.

I inherited (my theory) my mom’s interest in family members. As an only child, I appreciate any connection I can find (well, almost any). Haven’t made connection with any on my father’s side, except for a half-cousin’s widow and a now-deceased favorite cousin, but on my mother’s side, there are quite a peck of them. Through the magic of Facebook, I’m friends with five grandchildren of aunts and uncles (won’t count one who unfriended me because my politics were suspect), a first cousin, two first cousins’ widows, plus a first cousin whom I have to contact by US mail. All of them adored my mom, and we “like” each other’s contributions. Will see some of them next month.

From the first panel, I was sure this was leading to a Preposterous Pastis Pun. Never can tell with the Steph!

My mom forced my sister and me to go to the burial of an “Aunt Helen.” Well, technically, it was whatever was left her, as she was cremated. I have no idea who the other five people there were.

Well, at least we’re back to seeing the same strip.

It’s amazing how many of today’s comments are autobiographical. Why should readers have any interest in another’s report of personal experiences? Perhaps the rare absence of humor in today’s installment somehow invites serious discussion.

Poor Aunt Millie.

xxx

Some families aren’t worth being close to.

Just 2 weeks ago, I was cordially NOT invited to my cousin’s grand-daughter’s wedding reception [the wedding was at City Hall — so no one was invited to it except the parents] only a month after it was talked about in front of me at a family birthday party.

And to top it off, my 78-year-old mother was invited to it only 2 days before it took place. When Mom told my cousin she didn’t know where it was and would have to hitch a ride with me [automatically assuming, of course, that I had also been invited, too], my cousin told her that she was going to call and invite me tomorrow [which would have been less than 24 hours before the reception]. Well, she never did call me . . . nor did she call my mother back and tell her she wasn’t inviting me. And since she didn’t [call back] and offer my mom a ride there herself, that pretty much meant that my cousin was effectively uninviting her very own aunt that she’s always been close to from a family wedding reception that she had already waited just about too late to invite her to to begin with only the day before. I offered to go ahead and drop my mom off at the reception hall [and pick her up again if no one volunteered to bring her home] but she was so upset at the way I got treated that she refused to go, too.

Not once in the last 2 weeks has my cousin called to explain or apologize to me for happened. I’m not so much mad that I didn’t get invited to the reception [although I’m sure it would have been a fun party to go to] because people can invite — or not invite — anyone they want to their wedding reception. That’s certainly their prerogative. But why talk about something like that at a family birthday party in front of people you have absolutely no intention of inviting? That’s just plain rude. No. What hacked me off was the crappy way she ended up treating my mother because of this whole fiasco. I mean, who does something like that anyhow??? Now, I’ve lost all respect for someone I once loved and cared for very much and if I never saw her again, oh well. I wouldn’t miss her. I don’t have room for people in my life who don’t have room for me in theirs — even if they are family. It’s as simple as that.

That’s sad.

Aunt Millie was Catholic, huh? Who knew?

I know plenty of folks who have cousins that are much older or younger than them. By, like, 20 or 30 years. So @GretchensMom’s story is well within the realm of possibility.

The story isn’t made up you a-hole!!!!! How dare you call me a liar when you don’t even know me or anything about me other than this one tiny sliver of my life that I chose to share with you and the other people here! If I were going to tell one whopper of a lie, I could have said something totally unbelievable like: “Guess what? I just got back from a trip to London where I curtsied in front of the Queen!” like I was some character from Downton Abbey or something! No. This is a true story of how a relative I loved and respected [and who I thought felt the same way about me] totally screwed me — and my mother — over when we least expected it, something I never would have thought she’d do in a million years. Show me someone who’s never had something like this happen to them and I’ll show you someone who either doesn’t have a family or they live so far away from their family that no one bothers to try anything “underhanded” where they’re concerned because there’s no immediate way to gain something from it because of the distance between them.

For your info:

My mom is 78 years old. I am 45 [soon to be 46]. My parents had me later in life because it took them several years of trying to get pregnant. If my mother had delivered me within a year of their marriage like most people did of that generation, I’d be about 52 years of age now . . . 10 years younger than my cousin.

My cousin is 62 [her mother was my dad’s second-oldest sister out of their family of 5, with my dad being the “baby” — not to mention the only boy]. If they were both alive today, my aunt would be 83 and my dad would be 76.

My cousin’s son is 42 years of age. His daughter — my cousin’s granddaughter, the one that just got married — is 19 years of age. Yes, she’s young, but she’s of legal age and “in love.”

In answer to your question, why can’t a 60 [or in her case, 62] year old woman have son at 20 . . . who then has a child when he’s 20 [and she’s 40] . . . who then gets married when she’s 20 [and the grandmother is 60]???

You know . . . before you just start spouting off a bunch of crap, maybe you should find out what the hell it is you’re talking about first before you go around calling people you don’t even know liars!!!!! You’re a real tool, you know that? And not even a useful tool, like a hammer or a screwdriver. More like a broken drill or a saw without teeth . . . totally useless tools that should be gotten rid and yet they still end up sitting around anyhow, taking up valuable space on your workbench instead.

While I don’t expect an apology out of you, it sure would be refreshing if you’d admit you were wrong and never should have said what you did without knowing all the facts first. But, as I say . . . I’m not expecting it.

Rat, like all rats, have a very large family. They were together during the holidays. Those panels were very funny.

I think Rat has more aunts than me!