Pickles by Brian Crane for August 31, 2014

Better clean your glasses Earl.

What I am having a pleasant time learning, is that Grandchildren will listen to what ever Grandpa has to say. So. I do feel some responsibility to speak something close to the truth, even when I am telling stories.

Now tell him what an ex-spurt plumber you are.

ex = has-been, spurt = drip under pressure…therefore……….

The “Walk in the Woods” strip from Gasoline Alley.

At some point during every freshman geology class, some wisenhimer will pick up a specimen for identification, look at it intently, and then announce “yep, that’s definitely a rock”.

Rock on!

An even much greater expert on BULL.

That’ll teach Earl to take everything he sees for granite!

Er…. it’s been over 40 years since I had a geology class, but isn’t Granite metamorphic rock?You might say that Earl has a head for rocks…

Okay, I was wrong. it is igneous rock. My bad. I also have a head for rocks.

I think it’s one’a’ them there erratic boulders I heard tell about in Geology 101.

After all Earl’s been with Opal for years.

Molten lava is the best kind.

And then there was the time Ferdinand Feghoot went on a camping trip with a group of Hollywood celebrities including Lee Marvin and Patty Duke. When they were about as far from civilization as they would ever get, Ms. Duke realized to her horror that she had forgotten the medication to control her bipolar disorder. Feghoot responded by noting that he had, as was his custom, brought along a miniature chemical laboratory and could extract lithium from a suitable source. “But where,” he mused, “Can we find some ore?” Then he was seized by a sudden inspiration and rushed over to one of the coolers holding liquid refreshments for the campers. Rummaging through the contents of the cooler, he extracted a can with a shout of joy. He handed the can to Lee Marvin and ordered, “Drink this”. Marvin protested that he only drank real beer, not the ‘swill’, as he referred to it, in the can, but Feghoot turned to the others and announced, “All he has to do is consume this can and in a half hour or so we’ll have lepidolite”.

But if the lava never reached the surface, it remained magma.

Quintessential jack of all trades, master of none.