Rip Haywire by Dan Thompson for July 05, 2015

Transcript:

Rip Haywire: I've lost the use of both my legs, and Breezy is about to be hung by crooked cops! I need a vacation from this vacation! TNT: Rip, you look worse than carrot top at a beach party! Rip Haywire: TNT? What are you doing here? TNT: Helping you via hallucination, that's what! You love Breezy, but you can't admit it, and it's made you sloppy! Rip Haywire: TNT, are you my conscience... like Jimmy Cricket? TNT: I ate a cricket once... does that count? Rip Haywire: I've got to save Breezy, for purely platonic reasons! TNT: You're lost, my little Padawan. Rip Haywire: Women make soldiers of fortune into scrawny losers, if never lovin' again keeps me strong, so be it! Sounds: BANG! KA-BLOOD CURDLING SHRIEK! Rip Haywire: Breezy! Try to hold your blood in 'til I get there! Breezy, I heard screaming and gunshots! Did you start the fun without me? Breezy: We're in here, Rip! I shot the Sheriff.. .but I didn't shoot no deputy, oh no! Man: Gah, please no Marley! It burns! Breezy: I swear, it was in self-defense. Rip Haywire: No woman, no cry. Voice: You monsters! AIIEEEE! LATER! Rip Haywire: Well, spectral TNT, you can go now. Breezy is ok, and I'm still bottling up my feelings for her. TNT: Listen to yourself, Ripster... finally a girl comes along who isn't always trying to double-cross you or get you to abandon your insanely dangerous lifestyle. And you run like me from a bath! Rip Haywire: Good gravy! I'm a coward's coward... like you, TNT. TNT: Just because you're imagining me doesn't mean I won't sink a ghosttooth in your hindquarters, Bub. LATER! Breezy: Rip, now that we finally found a car rental, let's get out of here! Why are you stopping? Rip Haywire: I stopped because I love you! I thought love would turn me into a Lilly-livered weakling, but denying my feelings almost got us both killed! Even if it means settling down, I'll do it if you love me! Breezy: Shut up and drive, Haywire.