Richard's Poor Almanac by Richard Thompson for January 06, 2016

Transcript:

Richard's Poor Almanac Jamestown History *starred items are guaranteed true! By Richard Thompson Here's good. Works for me. Hey, you're a Pilgrim! Curses! I am discovered! Four hundred years ago this Monday, three ships from England, the Godspell & the Susan B Anthony, sailed up the James River and landed at Jamestown*. I'll be rich! Ha ha! The men on board were a hearty bunch of fortune hunters, full of greed, spunk & gumption. In fact, their departure started a gumption drain in England from which it took years to recover. King James I of England thought Jamestown was boring, though he liked having his name smeared all over everything. And he especially liked the flying squirrels sent back from Virginia as novelty pets.* The settlers built a fort named Fort James (duh). The local Indians introduced them to tobacco, a new source of easy revenue & lung cancer. Despite frequent times when everybody died, the settlement thrived. Cinnabon Armory Pub For rent Visitor Center Gift shop Green Zone Pub Duty-free cigarettes All brands Tool shed Squished penny machine In no time at all, just a couple hundred years, the little colony turned into the United States of America, a land peopled by fortune hunters full of greed, spunk & gumption.* And what of King James? Well, he got a whole flock of flying squirrels and he named them all James. Hokey smokes! Ha ha!