The Comic Strip That Has A Finale Every Day by John "Scully" Scully for May 19, 2016

It is with a heavy heart that I must make this announcement..Moby Dick, having completed his job in France, proceeded to begin swimming his way to New Zealand toward a last-minute special assignment. He opted to take a shortcut by swimming over the North pole rather than around the continents. As he moved through treacherous waters, he unexpectedly struck an iceberg. As his MP3 player played “Nearer My God To Thee”, he slowly sank into the cold Arctic waters..There were no survivors.

Update! Apparently, Moby did not sink, but rather dove into deeper waters to avoid other icebergs. He resurfaced at 6:30 AM Atlantic Time (3:30 UTC) off the shore of Nova Scotia safe and sound. In an interview with CBC News, he said “I just kind of bumped my head. News of my death has been greatly exaggerated.”

The Pacific coast, from Mexico to Alaska, has reported more Moby sightings than possible. There is now a Moby franchise with official costume, merchandise, and web site. Unemployed veterans and college graduates, in costume, will appear on schedule at beach events, boat tour routes, shorefront time share offices, and in front of tax preparation centers for pictures, autographs and splashings. Ambergris is optional, subject to availability.

I hear that Sony has plans to re-issue Moby’s 1974 album “Whale Songs” to try and capitalize on his trending popularity.

And this just in…Moby is releasing his autobiography! I hear it’s a whale of a story…