Non Sequitur by Wiley Miller for May 14, 2016

I don’t see anything to stop the big guy from coming aboard……Hope he gathered all the fish! How did he round up all those animals anyway? That’s a pretty good trick….Where the elephants, litter trained? Did they gather up the dung, dry it out, and burn it for heat on those 40 cold and rainy nights?…Sounds kinda cozy…Did they bring along more than two white mice for the pythons?…And what, besides each other, did they consider food on the voyage…?

Yeah. The telephone sanitizers were on the “B” ark after all, were they not?

@Varnes: And they knew that they had been there 40 days, because Noah had an Apple watch.

I’m surprised no one has pointed out that Noah was pre-David and Goliath …

But you ain’t gonna see no Unicorn.

As does the roll of the ocean.

Most concerns posed here can be found in Genesis 6.vs 5 reason for the flood.vss 14-16 dimensions …437’ long, 73’ wide, 44’ high. three stories high.

‘Who got the job of changing the newspapers?’ paraphrase of Red Buttons comic routine.Did they dump the litter boxes overboard? Reefs, undersea mountains, red tides come from . . .?

The book was better than the movie.

It was 7 pair of ”clean animals” and one pair of ”unclean animals.“ Also 7 pair of every kind of bird.

Fantasy is not cute.

No no, the opposite. 7 pairs, a male and its mate, of every clean animal, the ones good for sacrificing and eating, you need more of them, and just two of unclean animals, a male and its mate.

It seems Biblical satire is grist for a cartoonist’s mill. Why not pick on the Mu*lims for awhile. Just remember to duck. Aren’t you glad that Jews and Christians are peaceful (and truthful about being peaceful)? Charlie Hebdo artists were my heros. I guess you are just not brave enough to follow in their steps.

Not to mention that D&G weren’t even born in Noah’s lifetime, so I won’t.

Then in Genesis 7:15..two and two of all flesh…….’Gen. 7:20. Fifteen cubits upward did the waters prevail; and the mountains were covered.They must have had some really short mountains in those days.About 8 meters, using the generally standard cubit of 18 English inches. It’s unclear whether the English inch referred to is the English Imperial inch used in the former British Empire, or the Winchester inch used in the United States. During WWII the Allies were dismayed to discover that precision aircraft parts made in British factories wouldn’t fit American built aircraft.I don’t know which I have the most fun with, theology or the English system of measurement.

“It’s the Good Ship Lollipop….”

What planet do you live on?

For those tempted to take the ark myth as fact, here and here are a couple of articles on the “waste disposal” issue.More on the mythical nature of the story here and here.

What’s a “Zark”?

…so David and Goliath had to play rock-paper-scissors to see who got on the boat. David slew Goliath’s scissors with his rock, and the rest is history!

Don’t worry. They have answers for everything. The window was actually a stone that glowed and lit up the ark. But there were windows (Noah released the dove); remember, squirrel poop weighs a lot less than cows’; if geology seems to contradict the story, remember, the seas “boiled”, turning everything over repeatedly; and, while it rained for forty days, they were actually in the ark for a full solar year (add up the description of the times).

Where did they store all the food for the animals? What did the carnivores eat?

Goliath didn’t make it because he was stuck in the mud from standing there too long.