Tom Toles for September 13, 2016

Yup

The scandal is not that she got sick and failed to report it. The scandal is that they pathologically lie about everything, including what her true ailments are. Seasonal allergies, pneumonia, dehydration…all lies.

A guy I know was unbelievably eagre to tell me of her seizure… & he should know better, he’s a medic too.

The News Ruins our Day{… a rhyme …}Today seemed okay at first,but then its glories dispersedas news-reports splatteredand battered and shatteredthe hopes we’d naïvely nursedthat imminent dangersmight somehow reverse, …… that smart game-changersmight do the obverse. – - -- – - But no. Alas.√ We read of Trump’s sass,√ of the nuclear impasse,√ and of the ISIS morass, √ and suchlike, et cetera, and so forth.Troubles will forever go forth.========

You know, those pant suits getups Hillary wears DO make her look like Iron Man. Take it from there… The Star Trek episode, “I, Mudd” aired again the other night. Does Hillary wear a little medallion with her number on it? (“William! William Jefferson Clinton! What have you been up to??”) Junk food for thought.

Why does Hillary consult a doctor when she can jump on this site and get such well informed medical advice?

Hey, guys, I’ve got this weird tingling in my leg. is it cancer?

I’d like to see Trump’s tax returns and financials. How much money does he owe to Russian banks…er russian mob.

Good job. When reason fails, just go with the ad homs. Sad, sad, sad.

She pulled that crap, because she really didn’t want to waste her time at some silly 9-11 memorial!

And Reagan, your sainted and increasingly irrelevant “savior”, fainted at the first sign of trouble in Lebanon, and then invaded Grenada on a pre-text to prove he was tough after all.

In an alternate universe, an apolitical committee assures that the candidates have the essential skills, physical fitness and integrity to hold office and represent 100% of the people, mandatory IRV elections select the representatives that most people voted for in fairly defined districts that represent all factions proportionally, a Congress that works solely for the voters, deliberates on differences of opinion and (delivers in a timely manner) compromise legislation and appropriate funding measures to an apolitical president who functions as an enabler for Congress, an apolitical, unbiased, Supreme Court that rules on any ambiguities, or unintended consequences that the legislative or executive branches inadvertently missed with an emphasis on doing the the most good yet not denying anyone their rights or impeding competitive markets, and finally a means of rapidly removing from office anyone working for personal gain or special interests.

I think Trump doesn’t get enough sleep, which is why he is so cranky. I would like to hear what Dr. Harold Bornstein has to say about cranky Donny’s lack of sleep.#CrankyDonny#WhineyLittleBitch#MakeDonaldDrumpfAgainand don’t forget#DonaldTrumpWantsToBangHisDaughter

Hillary has the more Cred{… a rhyme …}About her health and Foundation’s wealth,Hillary displays her furtive stealth.And the Donald’s deceitful,his wordings quite cheatful.AND SO:We the Peepshave durn’ little clueas to which of these creepsin THESE ways will do.ALTHOUGH:We DO know that Hill’s got ‘way more credthan The Donald can squeeze from his rotten orange head.==========

It was on the internet so it must be true!

A comment from “The Alternate Universe”:.Hey, all you people speculating about us in “the alternate universe.” Things here aren’t exactly hunky-dory. True, we have truly universal health care at no cost; free alternative energy from various sources; and no war due to our telepathic hive society. But being clones of one species gets kind of boring after a while. .Would you mind sending over that Kim Kardashian entity for a while? I know we might be asking for trouble, but still ….By the way, you can save money on further space exploration: all the intelligent e.t. species are clones and just as boring as we are. All others destroy themselves pretty quick, and sad to say, it looks as if you’re heading that way, too. That Trump entity bodes no good for you (hint, hint).

We’ve seen his type before in universes similar to yours — you know, the ones that have exploded into monatomic dust. .Just sayin’.

Bush 1 blew chunks on the Japanese PM;Bush 2 choked on a" pretzel";Petraeus almost fainted, an hour into a hearing.Nobody ran for the fainting couch. Hillary testified for eleven hours and never broke a sweat.