Frog Applause by Teresa Burritt for October 27, 2016

What if I’m a bad hombre?

I believe I’ll have an NSAID.

I used to be a good egg.

Then I was a fertilized egg.

The rest of the story is too grotesque to be told.

Though you’ve probably heard it seven billion times.

Double your two-cents worth!

Keep your sunny side up.

It’s getting late, time to leave.. Where’s the eggs it..?

What sort of treatment?

Is it contagious if untreated?

Mrs. Humpty Dumpty in happier times… long before the big tragedy.

Pictured on the new $0.04 is our 52nd President, Selma Nolla. Selma was born in 1996 in Arkansas, during the Clinton Presidency. Everybody took this as a sign that she would go far. After a brief stint in bank robbery, she graduated to white collar crime and computer fraud, amassing a fortune by various scams and pyramid schemes. The Drugs 4 Amurika Party nominated her as their candidate in the 2056 election, and she swept into the White House in a landslide. Although a rascal and a crook, she remained honest, denying nothing. People were so moved by the refreshing change from the usual, that they fell in love and eventually moved to repeal the 22nd amendment to allow her to serve a total of twelve years. She would easily have served another term, but stepped out of Air-Dirigible One at an altitude of 800 feet to use the Little President’s Room during a fund-raising expedition with high officials in the Drugs 4 Amurika Party during the 2068 election season.

Isn’t that Grace the Face’s great-aunt Lacy?

It’s good to treat yourself on occasion, not many people will.

Said the century egg.

What if I’m not a good egg? What if I’m a black sheep? Or, or, or… or a fat pig? Or a soused louse?

Or what if I’m none of the the above, a mere cipher, a pimple on the seat of progress?

Ignore everything I just said. I blame it all on St. Teresa of the Lame. She possessed me, took over my medium-pickled brain, and then fried my egg! My precious egg! —All fried and withered….

She was an evil hen that laid deviled eggs which stank of sulfur.

I would say you ought to omelet your hair down a bit. Such a tight fold and cheesy for the win.

…i like easter eggs.

I’m a nasty woman.