The Comic Strip That Has A Finale Every Day by John "Scully" Scully for July 28, 2022

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A bright, young graduate joined the Internal Revenue Service. Anxious for his first investigation he was a bit perturbed when he was assigned to audit a Rabbi.

Looking over the books and taxes was pretty straightforward and the Rabbi was clearly very frugal, so he thought he’d make his day interesting by having a little fun with the Rabbi.

“Rabbi,” he said, “I noticed that you buy a lot of candles.”

“Yes,” answered the Rabbi.

“Well, Rabbi, what do you do with the candle drippings?” he asked.

“A good question,” noted the Rabbi. “We actually save them up, and when we have enough we send them back to the candle maker. And every now and then, they send us a free box of candles.”

“Oh,” replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his unusual question actually had a practical answer.

So he thought he’d go on, in the traditional obnoxious way…

“Rabbi, what about all these cookie purchases? What do you do with the crumbs from the cookies?”

“Ah, yes,” replied the Rabbi calmly, “we actually collect up all the crumbs from the cookies and when we have enough we send them in a box back to the manufacturer. Every now and then, they send a box of cookies.”

“Oh,” replied the auditor, thinking hard how to fluster the Rabbi.

“Well, Rabbi,” he went on, “what do you do with all the foreskins from the circumcisions?”

“Yes, here too, we do not waste,” answered the Rabbi. “What we do is save up all the foreskins and when we have enough we actually send them to the IRS.”

“The IRS?” asked the auditor in disbelief.

“Ah, yes,” replied the Rabbi, “the IRS. And about once a year they send us a little dick like you.”

~

My wife asked me if a certain dress made her butt look big. I told her not as much as the dress that she had worn yesterday.

And that’s when the fight started…

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A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies. Suddenly, at 3 o’clock in the morning, a loud noise came from outside. The woman, bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at the man “Holy crap. That must be my husband!”

So the man jumped out of the bed; scared and naked he jumped out the window. He smashed himself on the ground, ran through a thorn bush and to his car as fast as he could go. A few minutes later he returned and went up to the bedroom and screamed at the woman, “I AM your husband!”

The woman yelled back, “Yeah, then why were you RUNNING?”

And that’s when the fight started…